Not going to lie… I’m frustrated.  More frustrated than I’ve been in a while.  You would think that I would get used to feeling frustrated, especially when my family is involved… and yet, here I am, feeling a bit blindsided once again.

So it’s been a busy week.  I’ve had a few phone interviews, all materializing into in person ones next week.  On the “Find Jen a new Job” front… things are moving along.  But I also got a letter from unemployment this week.  They are reviewing my application and it could take 3-5 weeks to be completed.  So until then… no money for me.  And my severance money from my previous job will not be mailed out until the end of august.  That money will be a good chunk of money to keep me going until spring should I so desire.

Thankfully, I saved some for a rainy day.  It’s enough to cover my house payment.  Which – obviously means it’s not enough – but at least I had that.  I’ve never been out of work for very long, and I am confident that I’ll land one of these jobs.  But I’m frustrated with this strange place of finding myself in a bind.

This morning, I sucked up my pride and I called my dad.  Perhaps he could loan me a little in order to float until I get my severance.  Hell – charge me interest I don’t care.  He wasn’t available to talk to and I put it out of my head.  This evening, I got an earful.  A guilt trip piled on extra thick.  He even ended it with pressuring me to sell the house.

I’m sorry what?!

… FUCK that!

I’ve come too far… I’ve fought too long and too hard… that is absolute BULLSHIT right there.  And where the hell is the faith Dad?!  I’ve been out of work once in 12 years.  And that one time… it took me approximately 45 days to land a job that made 40K more than the one I’d lost.  If only I had my severance right now… but it’s coming!  I’m not a TOTAL loser here!!  Why does it always feel like my family thinks the absolute worst of me?  What the hell do I have to do to prove to these people that I’m not a fuck up?  I may screw up here and there, but overall… I’m more often than not on a solid positive track in the right direction.

I came home, pouted and cried a little… paced and stewed a little… and figured I’d let some of it out here.  I don’t know, maybe this is my dad’s form of tough love, but honestly, between him and my mom – I’ve had all the tough love I can possibly stand.  I’d just like some real, genuine love for a little bit.  Is that too much to ask?  Some support, a kind word of encouragement and the faith to know that I’ve got this handled… ok so yea, maybe there’s a small blip in things thanks to our government right now… but damn it… I’ve got this.  Ok?!

Goodnight Neverland.  🙂