A full day…

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Today was a full day… in so many interesting ways. I am a human who likes to believe that she studies human behavior. It fascinates me – on every level. Both, my own and other people. And today I got to observe it in so many different forms.

A dear friend, new to me, hurting… and all I wanted to do was wrap my energy around them and show them that they were safe and that at least for a moment, I could keep a protective bubble there and hold it for as long as they need. But how do you even say that without sounding like a total weirdo? Instead – you show it. You make them feel it, in the best way that you can.

Then a room full of angsty people – the HOA board. LOL. I’m their new note taker. And let me tell you – I wish I had popcorn!! But ultimately – most of the people in the room were lovely folks who are all worrying about their own day to day lives. All of them trying to figure out their own trajectory and how to maintain a life out here as we navigate living lives off-grid here in Aeneas Valley.

Later, as I waited for my son to get back from a trail ride with a larger group on ATVs and Dirt bikes and such … I sat on a bench and watched a scene that left me with a smile on my face. There was soft music on the air – guitar – calm & soothing in tones and rhythm. Younger children ran through the grass with popsicles dripping down their chins. Long juicy drips of red and orange running down fingertips all the way back to the elbows and bare feet. The best signs of summer. The sounds of giggles and children at play.

Later the smell of grilled hamburgers tickled my nose – teasing me with thoughts of summer barbeque – and hoping I could find a way to make a lettuce bun – which – I did. 🙂 I volunteered to chop lettuce and tomato and onions – so I made sure to make it happen in a way that burger tacos could be a thing. 😀 Score!

Chickens, ducks and guinea fowl entertained us with background sights and sounds while everyone mingled and reflected back on the fun they’d had during the day. Full bellies, laughter, music…. on a beautiful early summer evening. What more could we ask for?

My energy dipped tho very suddenly and I hit a wall. We thanked the hosts and did our best to dip out. I hate that part really. How do you leave a party gracefully when no one else is leaving just yet? I would hate to come across as rude. Especially out here. It’s funny – out here – manners almost seem more important than ever before – but maybe that’s just me. It’s the energies I pick up on people when they feel slighted by bad manners – makes me want to make sure never to do that to someone myself. Silly quest to be on really. But we all have our little quirks. 😀

And now… i’m vegging out… feet up.. kitty in lap with a pup snuggled near me. Life is pretty good and I’m feeling pretty dang blessed.

Goodnight Neverland.

Standing on the edge of a cliff – it begins!

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Well – this week has been a crazy but worthy adventure – and I had to come here and fill you all in. I’m selling my house and buying/building a farm.

The remodel finished this week and we can finally put it on the market. It should sell pretty fast – just about everything in it is completely new. With the proceeds, I will be starting my next journey into building a hobby farm and plant nursery. I’ve put an offer on 20 acres of land and we’re now in that negotiation stage – but I’m feeling very confident that we’ll come to a mutual agreement.

Maybe soon, I will be the owner of 20 acres of land in Washington state. 20 ACRES! And a few trees. And a cabin. And a barn. There’s a well, a septic, some solar and even internet. And an old riding lawn mower and 20+ chickens!!

Gonna be a chicken momma!

I’ve spent a lot of time preparing myself for this next adventure – studying permaculture and sustainable, responsible farming techniques, learning about water filtration, studying techniques of the amish and understanding how to work the land efficiently and leveraging what you have to work smarter. I dream of what my gardens will look like. I’d like a small orchard. My son wants a duck. Side note: Did you know that ducks are cuddly?! I now agree with my son and want a snuggly duck too – if that’s possible. I hope to build a geodesic dome on the land – the kits aren’t terribly expensive. And I can already picture what the views will be like from inside.

All that said – my next adventure is going to be a big one. I’ll continue this blog here, but i’ve upgraded this space to a better domain – this baby is growing up too!! – but the new farm will have a website of it’s own. I’ve registered BougieFarmers (dot com). hehe. I can’t wait to watch it change and grow – and I just know we’re in for a serious learning curve as we figure it all out. I’ll let you all know one I’ve set something up over at that domain too.

One of the views on the property

It’s been challenging to navigate all the emotions and feelings as we’ve done this. Packing up my studio was emotional, packing up the house has just been annoying – as you never realize how much stuff you’ve collected until suddenly you’re trying to pack it all up to take it to storage. It feels as if it’s never done. We officially list on Thursday and I think I expected the house to look different by now – we’ve done SO MUCH – and yet – the living room still looks like a bomb went off and I need to clean the kitchen counters – AGAIN! Oh well- I’m trying to just savor each moment as it comes. This is the beginning. There will be tears, there will be stress, there will be moments of joy and moments of downright frustration – but in the end, this land will be my forever home, and I certainly have the time to get it set up the way I want it.

Oh – and to any of you readers who are homesteaders…. or living off-grid, please – share with me your best piece of advice you’d give as I start my journey! Anything you’d have done differently if you were starting now vs how you started?

To the rest of my readers – thank you for always being here with me. And I hope you’ll enjoy hearing all the updates as I move this dream along. You’re appreciated more than you could possibly know.

Goodnight neverland!

The important dynamics of a varied friendship group

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Ok – I’ll admit it… that title doesn’t sound like me. But it’s something I’ve spent the past few moments mulling around in my head and I just decided to go with it. In the past month that I’ve put together my new commercial studio space (which by the way – i’m 95% done with and it’s AMAZING!) I’ve met so very many of my sister’s friends, plus people in the building, and some of my friends have come to visit as well…. it’s been a month of PEOPLE. 🙂 And I say that with delight and joy – because after spending so very much time in my home with the quarantines, this new energy has truly been a delight for me and is helping when it comes to giving me inspiration with my comics.

Something I’ve learned this month tho, is that it’s so important to have a well-rounded group of friends. One of the things I cherish so much about my own friend group is how eclectic it is – we’re a bunch of misfits in our own ways- but if an outsider were to label each of us – they’d be surprised that we’re all friends. And everyone comes from a different background – some from all over the world – and everyone also seems to be at different stages of their own life journey.

There have been moments in my life when I wished I had someone who was on a similar journey as me. Thinking that perhaps then I’d feel understood. But what I realized this morning is that it’s because of the incredibly varied perspectives of those who I surround myself with that I feel free enough to break through the constraints that I had on me.

I had someone I was chatting with recently share their passion and drive for their career. At first – I glommed onto that and used that to carry the conversation a bit – and it was an enjoyable chat. But later, as I reflected on how nice it was to talk to someone who has a lot of drive in their career, I also reminded myself that that was once me – but i’m not in that place anymore. I no longer live to work. Not at all. I reminded myself how once upon a time, I would put a lot of weight on someone’s worth being tied to their job or their career accomplishments. And now? I just don’t care anymore. Are they happy? Are they content and healthy and balanced?

I’d have never changed my way of thinking if it weren’t for my diverse group of friends who were both kind and brave enough to share their own perspectives in order to widen mine. I’m so grateful to have them in my life – and am hopeful that I’ll continue to grow in these ways. 🙂

I do hope you are all doing well out there! Stop in and leave a note below and tell me what has been on your mind today? Happy Tuesday!

“Staying in your lane”

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My sister says this to people. A lot. And sometimes I agree with her, and other times, not so much. You see, if I had “stayed in my lane” my entire life, then I wouldn’t be where I am. In fact, I’d wager, had she said that to me long ago – I’d have found a way to kindly tell her to go fuck herself because you can’t stay in one lane when you own the pool. 😀 But I digress. I get why she says it – it’s to help someone know when they are slipping from their path – or losing focus. It is a signal, to reel it in and double check yourself. How often do people even DO that anymore? I find that I do it often – and perhaps maybe need to just let it loose a little more. Granted – that does beg the question – what happens if you don’t know what lane you’re even in? Maybe you’re actually swimming diagonally across the pool?! Maybe you don’t believe in lanes! 😀 Hehe.

This week – I really need to stay in my lane when it comes to work focus. I’ve got lots to do, both for my day job and for my comic. I also just generally need to recover from a full weekend of shenanigans. The sister and I went to Portland for a short overnight getaway. The weekend was filled with a mix of things – shopping, self care, good food, strippers!, new friends, old friends… you name it. And while I had fun – a blast actually during most of it – I’m feeling a bit overly crispy around the edges today. Like – stick a fork in me already – i’m done. I may take a bit of a nap later and see if it re-energizes me.

My comic work is coming about slowly and steadily. At least on one of the story lines. My Mom book however I’m still stuck on. I need to just suck it up and start drawing the main character and not stop until i can do her consistently. But the problem is – she is me. And i’m still learning to see myself. It’s hard. My view of myself changes constantly – perhaps that’s why I feel like I own the pool rather than a single lane. I’ve written about this in the past and it still feels true today – we wear a lot of masks in society – and I’m not entirely convinced that all of us have figured out who we are without them.

Well, I better get back to my work morning – but here’s me wishing you a happy week!

Good morning Neverland!

That moment when you feel SEEN

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Today’s post will be a bit short – but there’s something I’ve been mulling on for a couple of days and I thought I’d share it with y’all. There is something so intoxicating about feeling seen and heard. When someone you’re trying to connect with not only connects with you -but truly sees you – for all your messy glory. Isn’t that exactly what we all strive for? Whether it’s in dating, with friends, with family – even with coworkers. Connecting with others doesn’t matter if they don’t see you for who you are.

This happened to me recently and it put me in a spin – the good kind. 🙂 Granted, this person also called me out in some of my truths. And that’s not always super comfortable. They called me out for being a lonely person. And at first – my reaction was horror. You SAW that?! I don’t want anyone to see or recognize that. That’s supposed to be a secret!! But then I had to think about it some more… why is my reaction to a statement of truth embarrassment or shame?

I supposed we’ve all been there tho. You know that moment I’m talking about. When you realize that perhaps you’ve been misunderstood. When perhaps the people you needed to really KNOW you – show that maybe they don’t fully understand you… And your heart squeezes in longing. A longing to connect at a different depth. To be understood. To be seen and welcomed and accepted and dare I say, even loved.

It’s not shameful to have only a select few people who know and see me for who I really am. Besides- who said we were going for quantity here? It’s all about the quality baby!! 🙂 I keep telling myself that I AM accepted. I AM welcomed and loved by many – but I also recognize that so very few actually know me at any real depth. The very few people who know me at my core and love me for who I am are wonderful amazing people who I am grateful that I have. That said – I think the shock was in realizing that someone else could pick up on the fact that I’ve been wishing to add a few more to what I lovingly refer to as “My tribe”.

Feeling seen… and validated … does something else too. It empowers a person to feel more confident in continuing to be who they are. Maybe this is what the world lacks these days – people are so busy either trying to show the world who they are that they don’t take a moment to see the person standing in front of them. Or worse – people only see a piece and assume it paints the whole picture.

I think that’s all I’ve wanted, for most of my life, in fact. For someone to see me – at my core -and still care about me and love me enough to want to stick. The only one who’s done that up to this point – is me. And that’s ok too. 🙂

So to you – my readers – I ask – who have you spent time to SEE today? Who do you feel seen by?

Talk soon neverland.