Song 3 -I’m done I promise

Ok – this should make some of you laugh. This has seriously been in my head today. Well – some of it, not all of it. What can I say? I’ve always been a big fan of Zelda. 😀 She’s pretty awesome at this! Song 1 is here   Song 2 is here Song 3 […]

Life is good


My birthday is in 3 days.  I’ll be 32.  Sometimes I still feel like a little girl – overwhelmed and inspired by everything I see.. And other times, the wise old soul in me comes out and I feel like I’ve been around on this planet a hell of a lot longer than just 32 years.  I’ve been through a lot.  I’ve seen the deepest darkest depths of hell and I’ve experienced flying on some of the most amazing and joyous heights.  I’m definitely on a high point these days.  Sure, I may have a grumpy moment here or there.  A moment when stress bubbles up and I just need a hug, but overall, I’m doing DAMN well.

Yesterday I spoke with my grandparents on the phone for a bit.  What struck me about it is that about half way through the call, I think my grandfather had an epiphany.  I think it dawned on him how cool his granddaughter is.  We were talking about music and books and movies.  I was telling him how you can learn a lot about a person by the books they have on their shelf, or the movies they collect or the music they listen to.  I mentioned how people at work will often giggle at my strange playlists that range from Beethoven to Ella Fitzgerald to Nirvana to Eminem and everything else in between.  He was telling me how I need to focus on building up a resource library so that anytime I need knowledge on a subject, that I can find something on my shelf.  I explained to him that I can skip the huge library and just rely on the internet to help me research.  He laughed and admitted to being a bit behind the times on that one.  It was a lovely chat.  He then put Nana on the phone.  She’s one of the few people in my life who can get me to spill anything and everything without even trying.  I ended up jabbering on about everything .. birthday plans, my upcoming getaway plans, the job, the kids, the bro, and … wait for it..the guy I’ve been seeing.  My mom would probably intake her breath in horror.  I can just hear her say.. “But Jenny!  They’re old fashioned, they don’t need to hear about your love life.”  Why the hell NOT?!  It’s not like I’m sharing EVERY detail.  I simply mentioned that I was planning a trip to get away, she asked if I was going with the kids and I said I was taking a special friend.  She knew the minute I said “friend” that it wasn’t a friend and giggled and said she was happy to hear that I hadn’t embraced monkhood.


I gave her no details, other than his name… and simply said how I am happy in life right now.  And I could hear it… her sigh of relief.  I’m betting my family has seen how unhappy I was for a long time but never said anything.  I’m sure they thought – well – at least she has her kids and her career.  She may not have found love, but at least she can care for everyone she takes care of.  I’ve had a TON of people comment to me in the last 4 months or so at how happy I have become.  How it’s infectious and they just want to hang out all the time because it spreads to them too.  Yay!! 🙂  And here’s my confession to you my dearest readers… It’s a genuine, completely content, don’t know how I ended up here, wasn’t planned and was a total surprise, cheesy, giddy type of happiness.

I’m super stoked for my birthday plans.  Even tho, so far at this point, not everyone has RSVP’d.  Who knows – I could end up with just a handful showing – I invited a total of 30 people.  But I don’t care.  I know that the people who do show up will be the ones that I’ll have a blast with and that’s really all that matters.

I’m also planning a “weekend” getaway for mid April.  I’m stoked.  I need it.  A chance to get away to a place where there is no signal.  No TV.  No pressures.  I can sleep in.  The kids aren’t coming.  I can get up at the crack of dawn and go for a walk on the beach if I want.  I can build a bonfire and roast marshmallows.  Find a pretty shell or a tide pool with treasures in it.  The place even has a great looking spa.  Get a massage and soak in a hot tub.  BLISS!  I’m taking Monday-Wednesday off in order to go and do this…. and as much as I am LOVING my job right now, I feel like knowing this is officially reserved and booked is what is keeping me from losing my sanity hehe.


Looks like there’s a big chance I’m going to be visiting Washington DC in June/July this year.  We have a big convention for partners at that time, and I’ve pitched that if they want to do some heavy research, that’s probably the best place to do it.  Should be fun.  I haven’t seen much of the east coast.  I won’t know for sure on the timing of all of that for another week or so, but I’m fairly positive they won’t decline my request to attend.  What I need to look into now is whether I can have someone come with me.  I did so much travel alone last year, I’m kind of over it.

So … let’s see what else is going on with me.

Fleetwood Mac is going back on tour.  I’m trying to convince the parents to go with me to their show in November.  They were one of my favorite bands growing up as a kid.  Who am I kidding – I have so many “favorite bands”.. I think I need a new phrase.  The last concert I went to with my parents was Super Tramp back in the 90’s.  Good concert… first time I ever witnessed people smoking pot.  I remember leaning over to my mom commenting on the old men who were smoking pot.  She laughed at me when I said “But mom – they’re OLD!”  Ahh youth.

Well – I better get on with my day.  Happy Wednesday!! 🙂 Love to all of you!

Stronger than hope.


How to put into words what I feel.  How do you explain when sometimes it’s hard to even see them yourself, let alone to describe it.  It’s been an awesome weekend.  A little stressful here and there, but overall, an awesome weekend.  The bro and I were listening to music this morning and singing our hearts out to songs on random when a song came up.  One I hadn’t heard in a very long time.  And it hit me in a different way than it ever had before.  There I was, singing away and suddenly I choked up and my voice cracked and I had to run off to the bathroom to cry my eyes out in private and quickly wash away any evidence. 🙂

It was a song I’d listen to as a teenager, it was how I would define love.  It was a song that for a very long time, meant a lot to me.  Not for the music, but the lyrics.  But then life happened.  Divorce, heart break, betrayal, depression, pain, grief … these things change a person.  Whether you mean them to or not.  Hearing this song this morning made me mourn a little for the girl I was.  The one who was so naive in thinking that love was a fairy tale with a happy ending.  I love who I am today, please do not misunderstand.  I wouldn’t change it, me, or the direction I am heading, for anything.  And in some ways, I do believe I’m still that little girl who believes in magic and dreams, but now that little girl has grown up and has a foot firmly planted in the real world.   What struck me this morning though, was the change in how I took the lyrics of that song.  It used to be that those lyrics stood for how I felt about someone else.  How I’d want to treat someone else.  How they were to be treated as the most amazingly special person because they had my love.  But this time, I took the lyrics to represent me as well.  That maybe I too am the special one.  That maybe I’m worthy of love, not just giving it, but receiving it too.  That maybe love has to be nurtured and earned and tended to over the course of time by both parties, not just myself.

It’s funny how sometimes, life will come and smack you over the head when you least expect it.  It has been a day of introspection.  I’ve had this post saved as a draft and have been adding to it throughout the day.

After talking with a friend, I’ve been left thinking about the course life so often takes.  I have seen some of the greatest and deepest depths of depression.  I have ridden on the wings of the greatest joy and some of the most exhilarating inspiration.  Have journeyed across both rough waters and serenely calm ones. Over the course of time, there has been a balance … of both the high’s and lows of life.  Of pain and joy.  When you’re in it, it’s hard to see the bigger picture.  But when you can take a moment and center yourself, find a bit of clarity to see beyond the storm that rages around you for the moment, you see that it can’t storm forever.  And sunlight will break through eventually.  I’m enjoying the calm waters right now.  The clouds are starting to clear a bit, and beautiful rays of sunshine burst through the clouds.

And suddenly I know what it is.  It is hope.  Actually, it is stronger than hope.  It is the knowledge that there will be more.  Happiness and calm waters and joy are just around the bend.  I may get bogged down, or tossed about a bit by a passing storm or two, but I know I’ll get there.  I know I’ll see it, because I can.  Hope.

Of course, one can also hope that when I do find that bit of calm beach – there will be some umbrella laden drinks 😛