It’s Friday.  I am so happy for that, I can’t even capture it in words.  It’s been a long, but very good week.  I’m exhausted and worn out, but somehow energized and happy as all hell that I’m doing so well at work.  🙂  I get to have a girl’s night tomorrow night with my friend Ray.  Yay for girl talk and wine and chocolate.  Where we can gab about the men she’s dating, and work, and life.

Last night was interesting.  The ex managed to get into a massive car accident.  Which of course was somehow my fault.  He was on his way to get my daughter from daycare as I had to work late.  Thankfully, she wasn’t in the car.  But he totaled his car, and the car he hit, and really hurt the driver.  All without insurance.  (Break into song “If I only had a brain…”) I drove to the scene of the accident to offer to take him home or help out in some way.  As I stood there, listening and watching… I was reminded of how grateful I am to have gotten out.  He’s a nice enough guy when he puts his mind to it.  But he makes HORRIBLE choices.  He was slamming his fists on the car and even attempted to lie to the officer about his lack of insurance.  I said nothing.  Just watched as he dug his own hole deeper.  He was so upset he started yelling at me and I turned and went home.  When I got there, he of course called and begged me to return so I could get him home.  I’m too nice.  I drove back down there, and silently picked him up.  He ranted on the drive to his house about how this is what he gets for keeping his nose clean.  I lost it.  Told him that that was the biggest pile of bullshit I’ve ever heard.  Told him to take some responsibility for his own actions or inactions.  Told him to grow up.  It’s not often that I speak up with him.  I think I just kind of gave up… 10 years of fights and frustrations and anger and you get pretty defeated.  I gave him a little cash to help him get a cab for today to and from work so that his son wouldn’t have to sit at home alone and wonder when dad was going to be home for dinner.  Again – too nice.  But whatever.  He’s family.  Whether I like it or not, he is the mess that I chose.  And I’m stuck learning to deal with him for the rest of my life.  And I’ll own that.  We pay for the mistakes we make.  This is mine.  Some people think I’m a little nuts for trying to keep a friendship there.  But so far, for the most part, it’s worked for us.  For the sake of my children, and to honor the man for what we DID have… I will continue to work at keeping communication solid, I will continue to be his friend.  Even when I’d rather just throw my hands over my ears and sing as loudly as I can “LA LA LA… I CAN’T HEAR YOUUUU!!!!!” 🙂

Although I’ll admit, that would be fun too.