I was just on the phone with my brother. 🙂 The topic of jealousy came up. Funny, it’s the second time in a couple of days that I’ve had the chance to witness someone struggling with it.
My daughter was struggling to contain her jealousy monster in regards to her boyfriend. Some girl at her school was hugging on her boyfriend and it bothered her. I sat and talked about it with her for a while. Told her to really think about things. Had her boyfriend ever given her a reason to not trust him? No. Then perhaps she will be better served by trusting him, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. It was interesting to watch her go through the various stages as she processed what I’d said.
Jealousy is a strange emotion. One that can be dangerous to the health of a relationship if not handled appropriately. If you break it down – it’s a signal from your brain. A warning signal. Saying that a valued relationship is possibly in danger and steps need to be taken to make sure things stay on track. What it DOESN’T need to do is make people crazy monsters. That’s just counterproductive and ruins any forward progress you may make. It requires trust tho. This is why I feel the way I do about liars in general. I struggle with them because if you can lie to me, then I cannot fully trust you.
I don’t know, I’ve never been someone who has struggled much with jealousy. In fact, I can say that I’ve only felt it a few times in my life – and it wasn’t over people or relationships – but over the success someone had achieved. I wanted that for me. 🙂 So not quite the same thing I suppose.
The way I see it – if you’re feeling jealous…then there’s something off about YOU.. not the other person. It means you’re likely struggling with an insecurity, fear of abandonment or something else that is pushing you too feel and act out in that way. And if you’re upset that someone is looking at another person, or even lightly flirting with another person… then that’s an issue with you. You’re in a relationship – you’re not dead. It would seem unnatural and confining to expect a partner to walk through the world uncaring or unaware of others in that way. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to admire a beautiful figure? I certainly do! To expect a partner to do otherwise would mean missing one of the joys of life.
If you have trust… then you should likely know that your significant other would never disrespect the relationship, you or themself in that way. So why get your panties twisted in a knot about it?
Look – I deal with anxiety on a regular basis – but the way I see it – why on earth would I purposefully allow an emotion to control me and make me MORE anxious if I don’t have to? Jealousy just doesn’t have a place in my world. Never has.
Just some thoughts for the day…