I’m not ready for it to be Monday. Truthfully, I got plenty of sleep last night, I’m not sure why I’m dragging as badly as I am today, but there it is. Not even the vanilla latte is helping.
This weekend flew by a little too quickly, and overall, it was amazing. I had an amazing meal and an even better conversation on Friday night. It was one of those nights where I found myself not really wanting it to end. When I got home afterwards, I’d discovered that the new area rug I’d ordered for my living room had arrived, so I stayed up late getting that all set up.
Then on Saturday, my 20 year old brother and I went out for breakfast. I came home and started working on my son’s room. The goal was to get it all set up and decorated before he came home on Sunday evening. (And just to note – the look on his face when he saw his new room – made everything worth it…he lit up, with an ear to ear grin and came over and just hugged me for a solid few minutes. Felt damn good to be a mom at that moment.) Later that afternoon, a friend stopped by and he kept me company while I built furniture. I had been mulling over some questions in my head and found it nice to bounce my thoughts and questions off of him.
I’ve been thinking.. a lot… about religion and god. And since those typically aren’t topics that I think about, let alone ask others about, it was nice to get someone else’s perspective, even if their perspective was VERY different from my own.
On Sunday, my other brother and his fiance came over for a visit before I had to go pick up the kids. The topic of religion came up again, and I found it was nice to be able to compare perspectives even further. Theirs in particular was VERY different from my friend’s from the day before… and again, very different from my own.
As much as I appreciate the ability to sit with people I love and trust to talk about these things with… I actually found that I was left with more questions. More confusion. A few years ago – had you asked me my opinions on religion and god, I’d have had an answer for you. Now? I don’t know. I suppose I’m feeling a bit lost these days in that respect.
I think what dawned on me on Saturday, is that I don’t think even I realized just how angry I have been with God. For many reasons. I dont’ feel like I’m angry much these days. In fact, it was a few weeks ago that I found myself saying a prayer before I fell asleep. It has been YEARS since I’ve done THAT. Maybe I’m somehow coming back around to it all? Only this time… it’s different. I’m not coming around to God for anyone or any reason other than it’s right for me.
What faith am I? I have no clue. I’ve studied so many. There are so many parts of different religions that I connect with… and yet – still parts of them all that don’t quite hit the mark.
My brother’s fiance and I had a very interesting debate about the Bible. I had asked how she can trust a book that has been edited many many times? That ultimately, the book was written and edited by Men. And men – are fallible. Don’t misunderstand – I find a lot of what is written in the bible to be incredible and there are many lessons one could live by… BUT…. I don’t believe all that I read. Logically – being swallowed by a whale (ok a giant fish) just isn’t realistic. But the lessons and morals behind the stories are still clear and valuable. For her, she believes the bible … literally, figuratively… all of it. I asked if it was possible to be a christian and not believe that all of the bible is completely 100% true. Not sure that I really got an answer there.
I also found myself asking why religions seem to pull away from just worshipping God? Catholics seem to do a lot of worship of Mary, for Christian’s it’s Jesus Christ. I’ve never fully understood that before. She had an interesting analogy for me that helped me at the very least understand. She said that God is a perfect being… one that we, as fallible humans, cannot really understand or communicate with. She said that Christians pray to Jesus because he then can act as a translator between us as men and God. Interesting – I’ve never thought about it like that.
Sigh… so much to learn. 🙂
Well – I better get back to my daily grind today. I’m lacking in motivation today. I’d much rather curl up and take a nap. Hope you all are well – much love to you!!