Tag: update

Update: It’s been a while

Jen1 Comment

First off, I suppose I should apologize.  You see, I use writing as a release.  When I’m feeling down, or lost or anxious… writing helps me find a way to vocalize whatever it is that’s weighing me down.  And once I can do that, once I process it – I can let it go.  But in the past few months, I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster, and haven’t really had the desire to do much writing about it.  So.. here it goes… a brief update on all the busy happenings that have been my life since I last wrote.

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My side business is doing very well.  I imagine at some point towards the end of the year, that it will no longer be a side business… but something a bit more on the main business side of things.  It’s exciting and has been a lot of fun.  My best friend and my daughter are both heavily involved and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment to work on it with them.  Not to mention, I can pour my creativity into every new recipe or batch.  I won’t lie, a LOT of my time has been poured into my business… between making the products and making sure they have the proper cure times, researching recipes and new products to add to my lines, testing batches, labeling & packaging, shipping, marketing, attending pop ups or shows… it’s a LOT of work!

I had a bit of a health scare for a few months.  Ended with me having a procedure that, at least so far, has given me some answers.  I’m learning how to manage.  Some days, I have more energy than others, but I’ll be damned if I’m just going to sit by and feel sorry for myself over it.  I’m unique. LOL.  That will have to do.

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I’ve attended a few events, a fair, have visited a few farmer’s markets and even had the privilege of participating in an east indian wedding… such an incredible experience. And the photos.. let me tell you!  All the colors!!!  Such a treat.  It’s been a lovely summer so far, and it’s not quite over yet.

My daughter and I are planning a mural on the long fence that is on one side of our property.  We’ve got a few scenes we’ll work into it, and we’ve spent a decent amount of time planning it out and discussing each scene.  I’ll be buying the paint & supplies tomorrow and we’re both pretty excited to get it going… even if it will take a while to complete it.

Mid-way through August, I’ve rented a little cabin for a couple of days.  I’m hoping the new Kayaks that I’ve ordered will be here, but if not, I’ll use one of the old ones.  I’m really looking forward to it.  To get out, explore… whether it’s by car, foot or boat.  To have nothing pressing, no rush to do anything except what I want.  There’s even a hot tub… so if I want to relax and soak under the stars… I can.  🙂  Absolute bliss.  I’m craving a little quiet.  To slow down and just watch the world around me.  I’ll be sure to bring my camera.  I like to capture that which inspires me.

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My day job has been going really well – we’ve been taking on a few projects that really have me excited.  I’m enthusiastic to see how they go… projects often morph and take on a new direction from how we first imagined them.  It’s a bit like watching your child grow up – and now you can’t really control what direction they take.

I’m still consistently losing 2-5 pounds each week.  I’m pleased by that.  I know I’ll plateau again… will just keep going.  The way I see it, it took me a while to put on the weight – going to take just as long to take it off.

I’ve had an interesting couple of weeks actually – my roommate/nanny is going to be moving out at the end of August.  There’s been a little drama here and there in regards to that… so I’ll be happy to have the house back down to me and the kids.  Shoot – I can’t wait to feel comfortable getting juice from kitchen in my undies again! LOL.  But between her drama, and some drama with our neighbor behind us who wasn’t happy when my daugher washed the car and streams of water went into his yard, and the fact that I had to once again stand up to the ex to remind him that I don’t deserve to be treated with verbal abuse when he’s not getting his way… I’m so over it.  And truthfully, my confidence has taken a hit this week.

Normally, I don’t let things like this get to me.  Not really.  I may be upset for a few minutes, but truthfully, I calm down pretty quick and get over it.  But people this week, have left me feeling a bit confused, and more than a little lost.  I don’t think I was expecting it, so of course, it tripped me up a bit.  But I’m working through it.  I think it’s just a moment when I have to consciously decide that I will continue to just be me.  To unashamedly… Be. Me.  To do what I always do… to keep on keeping on.  Take me as I am, or leave me be.  I don’t think that can be a poor choice.  I suppose it would depend on how emotionally healthy “Me” is in this scenario… but in this circumstance… I feel pretty good about that.

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Some thoughts before bed…

JenLeave a comment

It’s been a long day.  Overall, a good one, but still.. a long one.

I’m bundled up all cozy, fresh from a long soak in a hot bath.  One kid is in bed, the other is watching a movie and doing teenager things on her phone.  Me?  I craved a little soft music, some candle light, and to just let my fingers fly over the keyboard.

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I had a moment of absolute frustration and annoyance this morning.  It’s not like me to get so grumpy.  I had good reason… but I had to take a moment and reset myself.  I like to call it an attitude adjustment.  🙂  And I’m grateful for it, because the rest of the day was lovely.  I got some good work done, and then after my day job’s work was complete, I finished up all the bath bombs I needed to make to take to my event in 2 weeks.  I now have all my stock for lotions, bath bombs, and bubble bars.

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I’m 90% of the way there with candles and 50% there with sugar soaps.  Then … the show will be here!  Then a month later – we’ll have a second show – at the Pottery Barn! 🙂  I’m so excited.  There’s so much to do and plan! It’s crazy to think about how quickly this has all gone down.  I started exploring this path in October… and now it’s February and things are exploding!

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We had a snow day yesterday and today, and I get to work from home the rest of the week. The nanny had some personal business out of state to attend to, so I had to arrange to be home for the kids.  I’m aware of how lucky I am with my job.  They are pretty dang good to me.  🙂  I’ve enjoyed being home with the kitties.  Music going, fuzzy blankets, purring cats, and no commute… yes please!  Why can’t every day include those things?!

Have you all been following what’s going on in this country?  What am I saying – you can’t get away from it these days..so of COURSE you are to some degree.  Truthfully, I’ve tried to stick my head in the sand and just try and get through the next four years… but the more that happens, the more anxious I feel about everything.  What is going on in this world that I call home?  Maybe I’m the strange one, but I believe in honor, integrity, and love.  I’d rather lift up my fellow human beings that also occupy the same planet that I do.  I don’t give a rats ass if someone is black, white, green, muslim, christian, or even if you worship BACON! Who CARES?!  I think for the first time in my life, I worry for my children.  I worry for my friends, for coworkers who are here on visas and are just as much my family as the folks who share my DNA.  Hate doesn’t flow thru me.  I don’t have some sense of entitlement that says I should be given X,Y, or Z.  That’s not how life works!  You work, you earn it.  You find a way.  You honor those around you, you give respect to be given it.  I’ve seen more hate.. more anger, more willful ignorance in the last 6 months than I’ve seen in my 34 years.

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My dad said he voted for trump because he hoped that he’d shake up the government, and we’d be forced as a society to re-think the way our government works.  Interesting approach.  And maybe – with all the protests and everyone talking – maybe that’s where we will be headed.  But I just don’t know.  I was not a trump supporter during the campaign, and I’m not a fan now, but I still – oddly – have hope.  Hope that maybe we – the people – can somehow come together.  Embrace the fact that we all have at least one thing in common with everyone else.  We are all human.  Maybe that has to be enough.  Maybe if we start there – we can figure out a way towards peace and prosperity for all. Maybe if we start there – Love can prevail.

Goodnight neverland.  Much love to you and yours tonight.

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It is 6am…

JenLeave a comment

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I’m sitting on a couch at work, my shoes off and my feet up… a cup of coffee steaming next to me, headphones on playing a compilation of some of my favorite songs… I may be here physically, but mentally, I’m in Aruba.  Sitting on a beach, the waves crashing against the sand, a small breeze blowing over me.  Sigh.  Do I have to adult today?  Why can’t I just be a cat instead?  I’d like to lay about – snuggled in a blanket.  🙂

I’m on day 10 of the new job.  I’m not entirely sure I made the right choice coming here, but I’m trying to keep an open mind.  I’ve already had the unfortunate displeasure of discovering a few things about the business and how they’ve run things that I don’t agree with.  I guess we’ll have to see how open they are to allowing me to change things.  I had a meeting yesterday with some of the executives.  I was nervous going into it, mainly because I haven’t had the chance to get a solid read on them yet.  The folks who were a part of the meeting were awesome.  Gave me hope that I can make a difference here.  We’ll see how the rest of them are over time.

Tomorrow, I get to go with one of our customers and pretend to be a part of his business.  The goal is to understand what a day in the life of our customers is really like and see if there are areas we can improve or be of more use.  I’m excited about it.  I love doing these kinds of research projects.  I’ve got a list of about 100 questions that I hope i’ll get to ask – have to find ways to do it without sounding like I’m giving the 3rd degree.  🙂

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This weekend, I get to hang out with my best girl friend.  🙂 I’m looking forward to it.  The hours I’ve been working have taken a huge toll on my social life and it’s nice to know that I’m going to get a little break and get to sit and catch up on all the latest news and events within our social circle.

Well folks – better actually go do some work now.  🙂  Hehe.  Hope you have a lovely day!! Much love to you.

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Sometimes, you have to circle the wagons

Jen5 Comments

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My apologies on not posting anything in a bit, but I’ve been busy circling my wagons.  My main focus has been my daughter and son, work, and the house.  I haven’t been a very good friend to a few folks in the last couple of weeks, and although I feel guilty over it, I know that I’m doing the right thing.  I’m not planning any outings, no dates or events with friends.

My daughter came home from the hospital on Friday.  It was a lovely weekend with just her and me.  A lot of talking and sharing, crying and laughing.  We spent most of the weekend working on the house and doing artwork together.  We’re going to focus on our hobbies a bit.  The garden, and artwork will keep us occupied when we have some spare time.  Because I’ve had to take some major time off to take care of her, Work has gotten a bit behind.  I’ve got to really keep my head down and focus on getting caught up.

So to my friends and family… I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit distant.  I’m simply trying to keep my head above water – please have patience with me.

Much love to you Neverland.  Happy Monday.

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A fantastic weekend overall…

Jen3 Comments

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I’m not ready for it to be Monday.  Truthfully, I got plenty of sleep last night, I’m not sure why I’m dragging as badly as I am today, but there it is.  Not even the vanilla latte is helping.

This weekend flew by a little too quickly, and overall, it was amazing.  I had an amazing meal and an even better conversation on Friday night.  It was one of those nights where I found myself not really wanting it to end.  When I got home afterwards, I’d discovered that the new area rug I’d ordered for my living room had arrived, so I stayed up late getting that all set up.

Then on Saturday, my 20 year old brother and I went out for breakfast.  I came home and started working on my son’s room.  The goal was to get it all set up and decorated before he came home on Sunday evening.  (And just to note – the look on his face when he saw his new room – made everything worth it…he lit up, with an ear to ear grin and came over and just hugged me for a solid few minutes.  Felt damn good to be a mom at that moment.)  Later that afternoon, a friend stopped by and he kept me company while I built furniture.  I had been mulling over some questions in my head and found it nice to bounce my thoughts and questions off of him.

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I’ve been thinking.. a lot… about religion and god.  And since those typically aren’t topics that I think about, let alone ask others about, it was nice to get someone else’s perspective, even if their perspective was VERY different from my own.

On Sunday, my other brother and his fiance came over for a visit before I had to go pick up the kids.  The topic of religion came up again, and I found it was nice to be able to compare perspectives even further.  Theirs in particular was VERY different from my friend’s from the day before… and again, very different from my own.

As much as I appreciate the ability to sit with people I love and trust to talk about these things with… I actually found that I was left with more questions.  More confusion.  A few years ago – had you asked me my opinions on religion and god, I’d have had an answer for you.  Now?  I don’t know.  I suppose I’m feeling a bit lost these days in that respect.

I think what dawned on me on Saturday, is that I don’t think even I realized just how angry I have been with God.  For many reasons.  I dont’ feel like I’m angry much these days.  In fact, it was a few weeks ago that I found myself saying a prayer before I fell asleep.  It has been YEARS since I’ve done THAT.  Maybe I’m somehow coming back around to it all?  Only this time… it’s different.  I’m not coming around to God for anyone or any reason other than it’s right for me.

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What faith am I?  I have no clue.  I’ve studied so many.  There are so many parts of different religions that I connect with… and yet – still parts of them all that don’t quite hit the mark.

My brother’s fiance and I had a very interesting debate about the Bible.  I had asked how she can trust a book that has been edited many many times?  That ultimately, the book was written and edited by Men.  And men – are fallible.  Don’t misunderstand – I find a lot of what is written in the bible to be incredible and there are many lessons one could live by… BUT…. I don’t believe all that I read.  Logically – being swallowed by a whale (ok a giant fish) just isn’t realistic.  But the lessons and morals behind the stories are still clear and valuable.  For her, she believes the bible … literally, figuratively… all of it.  I asked if it was possible to be a christian and not believe that all of the bible is completely 100% true.  Not sure that I really got an answer there.

I also found myself asking why religions seem to pull away from just worshipping God?  Catholics seem to do a lot of worship of Mary, for Christian’s it’s Jesus Christ.  I’ve never fully understood that before.  She had an interesting analogy for me that helped me at the very least understand.  She said that God is a perfect being… one that we, as fallible humans, cannot really understand or communicate with.  She said that Christians pray to Jesus because he then can act as a translator between us as men and God.  Interesting – I’ve never thought about it like that.

Sigh… so much to learn.  🙂

Well – I better get back to my daily grind today.  I’m lacking in motivation today.  I’d much rather curl up and take a nap.  Hope you all are well – much love to you!!

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