Thoughts about “The One”

In a complete contrast to last night’s rather silly post, I want to talk about “The One”.  A soul mate.  The notion that there is one person on the planet who is “meant for you”.

Bunch of rubbish if you ask me.  🙂  Is a soul mate the human equivalent of the ring of mordor.. one ring to rule them all… one love to rule them all? And what.. if the love gets too powerful, do you take a pilgrimage to toss them into a fire-laden volcanic pit?  I think not!

So what is it then?  Why do I struggle with this concept so much?  I think it’s because of how I view life in general.  I have always been a believer that life, our purpose here on this planet is about knowledge and lessons.  We are given tests and lessons throughout life, and if, when we are presented with these lessons, we do not learn what it is we should have learned to move forward, then we’ll be doomed to repeat that lesson again until we do.  Hence why we see history repeating itself.  In that vein, the premise of a soul mate or “the One” doesn’t quite fit.  Not to mention it gives someone else a LOT of power over your life and it’s trajectory that personally, I don’t think anyone should have but yourself.  What happens if some tragic freak accident happens and “The One” gets hit by a Mac Truck?  What then?  Is that it?  No soul binding fireworks and heart melting love for me?  Bah! Again – I say Rubbish!  And the concept of fate deciding the future of two people is a little odd anyway.  People have free will.  They will make choices and decisions based on a multitude of factors.  Be an ass for too long, and your “soul mate” is likely going to leave your ass.


“We don’t meet people by accident.  They are meant to cross our path for a reason.” I do believe this.  I believe that people come into our lives when we need them, whether it’s to learn from them, or teach them, or a little of both.  I believe that when special people come into your life, you should embrace it and them.  Live each moment reveling in what makes them who they are and enjoy how they impact you and your world.  Maybe the phrase should be changed to something more like “the one for Right now”.  Ok, so the title  needs work – but let’s roll with that for a minute, shall we?

When I was 19, I married my highschool sweetheart.  He was my first everything.  If I hadn’t loved and married him, believed in the power of that “soul mate” theory, I wouldn’t have my daughter.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today – I would be someone shaped a little differently.  He and I were meant to be – for that time period.  Our relationship ending wasn’t the end of my love life, if anything it was the beginning.  The fact that our relationship ended, doesn’t diminish or change the feelings that were very real and present at the time.  He was meant to be in my life at that time, and wasn’t meant to be in my life forever.

I believe a “soul mate” is something different.  I believe it is the person, or connection between a person, that is meant to happen for a reason.  I’ve met and loved people in my life who I’ve considered soul mates ….both male and female – having nothing to do with an intimate or sexual love.  Friends have been in my life who I view as soul mates.  It’s a deeper connection that I can describe accurately with words.


And this… this is the key.  Soul mates, “the One” … whatever you choose to call it.  They aren’t meant to be there forever.  At least, I don’t believe so.  If they were meant to be there forever, you wouldn’t have to search so long and hard to find them. They’d be there already.  Now, I should also clarify, I don’t believe that everyone you meet is a soul mate, but I do believe it’s very possible, and quite probable that a person will have a multitude of them throughout the course of their life.  Both male and female, platonic relationships and not.  So what does all this mean?  Well – it means that the search for your soul mate isn’t as hopeless as it may seem.  And on the flip side… it also means that each one of us is a soul mate to another person, or two , or ten.

Maybe the other people in our lives are just the side dishes to the real main course…yourself.  YOU are your soul mate.  The one person who will always know you at your core.  Who, even when filled with self doubt or misery, will love you wholly and completely with no exception.  Maybe when people say they are searching for “The One” … it is because they have lost sight of who “The One” really is.  You.  And maybe that’s the true reason people come into our lives.  To help us see ourselves for who we are, or who we’re becoming.  To bring out the best “YOU” that can be.

To all my soul mates out there…. whether you were in my past, my present or are to come in my future… know that, for what it’s worth, I love you.  I cherish you for what you bring to my life and what you cause me to reflect upon.  I am thankful for your assistance in helping to shape the woman I am today, and the woman I am becoming in the future.


2 thoughts on “Thoughts about “The One”

  1. This makes me very sad. Poinant. Possibly true. And sad. I don’t believe in one soul mate either. But I do believe that we can stay with one soul mate all of our lives. That we can learn and grow together. And that others will come and go from our lives, but we can commit to one who will never leave. I hope that’s true.

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