Tag: wedding

Healthy Relationship Goals

JenLeave a comment

When I was young… I sought out relationships.  I perhaps wasn’t always as choosy as I should have been.  Years of being made to feel like I wasn’t ever going to be good enough led me down a path where I happily accepted anything and everything that came my way – be it friendships and significant others.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to be more choosy in who I allow to enter my world.  I’ve learned that it’s not the number of friends, it’s the quality and health of the overall relationships that really matter.

I’ve always been the person who rushes into everything.  I’m impulsive.  Granted, I DO have self control… but I’m finding, at least lately, that the one quality I used to be proud of in myself… I’m holding back now.  That impulsive passion and enthusiasm that I get, about everything …. be it learning something new, a new project at work, a new friendship or new hobby or love… I’m learning to keep that in check a bit.  Taking things slow.  Learning to be someone’s friend LONG before even considering getting physical with them.  I mean, seriously – what IS the rush for?  If the people who enter your life are really meant to stay … then why are we in such a damn hurry to get across the finish line.  It’s not like the race ever really ends… and what on earth would you get for crossing it?  What… a wedding ring?  A child?  A divorce?  lol.

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It’s challenging… especially in today’s society.  And it’s not like a girl doesn’t have needs.  lol, but I’m feeling a little bit burnt out.  I’m finally starting to really like living alone.  I’m learning ME.  I’m immensely proud of myself and it’s strange because this isn’t really something you can share with others without sounding a bit foolish.  We’re taught to find a man, to settle down, get married, have kids…. that pressure is out there on us all on a daily basis.  Sometimes, it’s so subtle, I don’t even notice it at all.  But it’s still there.  And what’s funny – at least, for me, is that I’ve HAD all of that.  I’ve settled down, I got married, I had kids, I’ve been susie home maker and I’ve been the power suit wearing corporate working mom.  I have literally tasted ALL that society asks us to pursue.

Perhaps that’s why I’m enjoying this bit of soul searching I’ve done since buying this house.  I’ve been trying to figure out what the next big dream is.  I’ve been really enjoying the notion of holding off, on all fronts…. taking a moment to find and secure my footing before I do anything to shake up my world.  It’s certainly never anything I’ve done before.  It all feels healthy.  My goals for my life have shifted in new ways I wasn’t quite expecting.  I find myself just wanting a healthy relationship.  Keyword there is Healthy.  🙂  And for the first time in my life…. I feel like I’m certainly on the right path to eventually get there.  I’m learning to communicate my needs and wants and feelings in better ways.  I’m actively figuring me out.  And it’s really kinda awesome!

So to all of you out there…. single… looking for love… I highly encourage you to look at the opportunities you have to seek out what’s really healthy, thinking long term.  🙂  And to those of you who are settled down… or settling down… still racing… I ask you… What are you racing for and if/when you get it… what comes next?

Much love to you all.  Happy Thursday!

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Thoughts about “The One”

Jen2 Comments

In a complete contrast to last night’s rather silly post, I want to talk about “The One”.  A soul mate.  The notion that there is one person on the planet who is “meant for you”.

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Bunch of rubbish if you ask me.  🙂  Is a soul mate the human equivalent of the ring of mordor.. one ring to rule them all… one love to rule them all? And what.. if the love gets too powerful, do you take a pilgrimage to toss them into a fire-laden volcanic pit?  I think not!

So what is it then?  Why do I struggle with this concept so much?  I think it’s because of how I view life in general.  I have always been a believer that life, our purpose here on this planet is about knowledge and lessons.  We are given tests and lessons throughout life, and if, when we are presented with these lessons, we do not learn what it is we should have learned to move forward, then we’ll be doomed to repeat that lesson again until we do.  Hence why we see history repeating itself.  In that vein, the premise of a soul mate or “the One” doesn’t quite fit.  Not to mention it gives someone else a LOT of power over your life and it’s trajectory that personally, I don’t think anyone should have but yourself.  What happens if some tragic freak accident happens and “The One” gets hit by a Mac Truck?  What then?  Is that it?  No soul binding fireworks and heart melting love for me?  Bah! Again – I say Rubbish!  And the concept of fate deciding the future of two people is a little odd anyway.  People have free will.  They will make choices and decisions based on a multitude of factors.  Be an ass for too long, and your “soul mate” is likely going to leave your ass.

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“We don’t meet people by accident.  They are meant to cross our path for a reason.” I do believe this.  I believe that people come into our lives when we need them, whether it’s to learn from them, or teach them, or a little of both.  I believe that when special people come into your life, you should embrace it and them.  Live each moment reveling in what makes them who they are and enjoy how they impact you and your world.  Maybe the phrase should be changed to something more like “the one for Right now”.  Ok, so the title  needs work – but let’s roll with that for a minute, shall we?

When I was 19, I married my highschool sweetheart.  He was my first everything.  If I hadn’t loved and married him, believed in the power of that “soul mate” theory, I wouldn’t have my daughter.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today – I would be someone shaped a little differently.  He and I were meant to be – for that time period.  Our relationship ending wasn’t the end of my love life, if anything it was the beginning.  The fact that our relationship ended, doesn’t diminish or change the feelings that were very real and present at the time.  He was meant to be in my life at that time, and wasn’t meant to be in my life forever.

I believe a “soul mate” is something different.  I believe it is the person, or connection between a person, that is meant to happen for a reason.  I’ve met and loved people in my life who I’ve considered soul mates ….both male and female – having nothing to do with an intimate or sexual love.  Friends have been in my life who I view as soul mates.  It’s a deeper connection that I can describe accurately with words.

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And this… this is the key.  Soul mates, “the One” … whatever you choose to call it.  They aren’t meant to be there forever.  At least, I don’t believe so.  If they were meant to be there forever, you wouldn’t have to search so long and hard to find them. They’d be there already.  Now, I should also clarify, I don’t believe that everyone you meet is a soul mate, but I do believe it’s very possible, and quite probable that a person will have a multitude of them throughout the course of their life.  Both male and female, platonic relationships and not.  So what does all this mean?  Well – it means that the search for your soul mate isn’t as hopeless as it may seem.  And on the flip side… it also means that each one of us is a soul mate to another person, or two , or ten.

Maybe the other people in our lives are just the side dishes to the real main course…yourself.  YOU are your soul mate.  The one person who will always know you at your core.  Who, even when filled with self doubt or misery, will love you wholly and completely with no exception.  Maybe when people say they are searching for “The One” … it is because they have lost sight of who “The One” really is.  You.  And maybe that’s the true reason people come into our lives.  To help us see ourselves for who we are, or who we’re becoming.  To bring out the best “YOU” that can be.

To all my soul mates out there…. whether you were in my past, my present or are to come in my future… know that, for what it’s worth, I love you.  I cherish you for what you bring to my life and what you cause me to reflect upon.  I am thankful for your assistance in helping to shape the woman I am today, and the woman I am becoming in the future.

xxo