Tag: vacation

So stiff, I must be getting old…

Jen1 Comment

 me2

I had an amazing weekend.  Truly.  Friday night was spent full of laughter with some of my favorite ladies.  I went and relaxed on R’s couch while she primped and prepped so we could go out.  The plan was to go Karaoke, but it turned out there was a game on that was pushing back the time for singing and wailing.  🙂  My other friend J and one of her girlfriends met us at the bar and we had a fine time dishing about guys and love and life.  So much laughter, my abs hurt.  🙂  Then I felt a tickle on the back of my neck and turned to discover T had come to hang as well.  Such a surprise! 🙂  It was a lovely reminder of just how blessed I am with the amazing people in my life.

Saturday morning, I woke up, said a quick hello and goodbye to the bro and headed back to R’s for a day of relaxing, watching sci-fi, eating dick’s burgers (famous OLD hamburger joint round here) and more girl chat.  She let me in this weekend.  Shared her story.  The great loves, the losses, the joys and pains.  I, in turn, shared a little more of mine.  Talked about my mini-me and her father.  She understands now why I allowed the ex to adopt the mini-me.  It was the only way to make sure she’d be safe from her father.  And when he allowed it – I jumped at the chance.  Over the years, that man cost me close to $50,000 in legal fees and lawyers, all of it to try and protect her and I.  Heck maybe more.  I hung at her place until later in the evening and then T took me to a park to picnic overlooking the city lights with a pizza.  Other than the mosquitos that were out, the views were stunning. 

seattle_seahawk_night

Sunday, I helped T in his yard.  Pushed myself pretty hard.  I was NOT going to let my stupid heart get the better of me, had to take a few more breaks, hose myself down at one point with the hose because I was getting massively overheated, oh I’m sure it was quite a sight to see me pushing his lawn mower around swearing at the lawn and the mower equally as I’d get stuck in a divit and have to push with all my might to get it to move forward. hehe.  🙂  I started to get down on myself at one point – frustrated that the mind wants to take on work that my body just can’t necessarily do or keep up with… but I pushed on – the stubborn little aries always wins! 🙂 I felt really good about it when I was done tho, and he enjoyed the company while he was getting the work done.  I don’t think he’s used to it.  His roomie doesn’t seem to enjoy the outdoors or helping in the yard.  We were beyond filthy when we were done for the day and went swimming afterwards to both cool off and clean up a bit.  Then grubbed on a guilty pleasure – Mexican food. 🙂  Let me just say tho, today… I HURT!!  Sooo stiff I an barely move.  Does that mean I’m getting old?  OWWWW!!!!

I had my annual review today.  I was pleasantly surprised by some of the feedback and encouragement I got today.  Earned myself a nice pay increase, plus a decent sized bonus both cash and stock.  If only I wasn’t being garnished.  The tax man already takes a hefty chunk out of it, my garnishment will take more.  I hope to be left with enough to contribute to my vacation, and pay for some lawyer time to deal with the ex.  Would be nice if I could use it for other things as well, but I have a feeling that the cash I get won’t be much after all of that.  Ah well.  C’est la vie. 

I did some watching of video blogs tonight for people who visited st. Thomas.  It is absolutely gorgeous there.  I can’t quite get over the beaches that are soo white and the water is so clear.  The only thing that kind of made me nervous was the amount of crowds I saw.  Granted, I’m going during hurricane season, so maybe there won’t be as many people present.  Fingers crossed.  I’m really starting to get excited.  80 days to go (2 months, 19 days).  Wooo Hooo!!

St_ Thomas

Goodnight neverland.  Much love.  XXO!

It’s not procrastination, it’s the perspective.

Jen1 Comment

procrastinate

I am a Procrastinator.  It’s a word I’d use to describe myself often.  I am a slave to my calendar and schedule.  And I’ll admit that it has helped me move forward in leaps and bounds when it comes to some aspects of my life.  I was being hard on myself earlier…thinking about the weekend and how little I felt I’d accomplished off my “To-Do” list in my head.  But then I started to think about what I DID do this weekend.  Maybe I’ve been looking at it in the wrong perspective. 

1.  Finished most of the house and my personal laundry washed, folded and put away. 
2.  Prepped all of the mini-me’s school registration paperwork and things she’d need for sign up.
3. Went for a walk with my 3 year old son
4. Finished the last episodes from a great show series and then managed to even watch the movie that followed.
5. Went and had an amazing pancake breakfast this morning. My son enjoyed the blueberry pancakes and bacon and grapes from my plate.  🙂  Was nice that he behaved well in the restaurant today.
6. Enjoyed a snuggly sunday morning.
7. Enjoyed bath time with the son twice – although I swear he gets me wetter than him sometimes. 🙂
8. I baked cookies, and tried out a funky chipotle ancho chili chicken recipe
9. I mopped and swept the kitchen floor and downstairs hall areas
10. I sorted through a couple of bags and boxes in my office
11.  I read a couple of books to the little man, played tons of dinosaurs and cars and merrily chased each other through the house on multiple occasions throughout the weekend.
12.  I wrote in my blog and got a little more done on the piece of art I’m working on.
13. I booked the flights for my vacation in November.  Can I just say, sooo excited for this.  I can’t believe it.  I don’t know how I’ve pulled it off, but it really looks like I’m going to get a good vacation.  To turn a negative time of year into such an incredible positive.  To get to unwind and get away from all the pressures of work and kids for a week.  BLISS!!
14.  Got all my grocery shopping for the next couple of weeks completed.
15.  Helped the mini-me look at planning her cosplay outfit.
16. Had a long chat with the bro.

When I really start to list out all that I did do this weekend.  Yea, ok, so I didn’t get to run the vacuum a I’d planned.  And I didn’t get to the oil change I need to do.  I had high expectations of myself, but what I did have was just as valuable.  I had some wonderful experiences with my family and loved ones. Perhaps it’s time to admit that sometimes, we get so focused on the doing, that we forget to look at the living.  I have to remind myself that yes, I’ve got to work on all those things on my to-do list, but at the same time, I also need to work on me.  And the only way to work on me, is to find the time to do the things that make me and those I love happy.

I look at that list and suddenly don’t feel like a procrastinator anymore.

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Staycation part 2

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grind

Tomorrow, I go back to work. I’m both sad and excited. Sad that my vacation time must end, and excited because I’m feeling refreshed. Which means I accomplished my goal. 🙂 My goal was to disconnect and even though I didn’t go off to hit the calming bliss of a cabin in the woods on an island in the sound… I did disconnect and had a fine ol’ time.

Sunday ended up being a great day. I slept in, tinkered with my microphone and recording, visited a friend and her band practice to get some microphone set up advice and got to jam with them for a few minutes, wandered the international district briefly to find a Vietnamese sandwich…mmm. And then got a chance to try the most amazing chicken dish I’d ever tried before. It involved some crazy spices and coconut milk and cooking it for what must have been close to 4 hours. I did pay some attention to the cooking process, but was also absorbed in trying to capture the chef in a drawing. She has unusually striking eyes and I wanted to try and capture them. I failed miserably – the tablet and I still have some growing pains to get through first. The rest of the evening was spent hanging out watching some new shows. It was quiet and peaceful and comfortable.

I slept well. That’s a first in a long time.

Monday morning came too quickly. But instead of going to work, it was filled with a stroll along Alki beach and a seafood omelet in a cafe overlooking the water. Have I mentioned I’m a sucker for breakfasts? I was supposed to hit the costume store in the afternoon with Jen, I am considering a costume for cosplay.. I know, I know… NERD. It is what it is. Jen is the chef of the amazing chicken, but she wasn’t feeling well so I went home and relaxed, played video games with the bro, did a few chores, started reading a new book. Overall, a lovely day.

Today I got the chance to explore one of my favorite places. It’s a small town in Eastern Washington. One I grew up going to every weekend and most of the summers. We’d camp and fish and explore the rivers, we’d go off-roading in groups, we’d explore the wilds – desert and rugged territories that are so different from the lush greenery that you see in Seattle. Drive somewhere to get lost and feel good about accomplishing the goal. I loved that growing up. I still love that to this day. And now that I’m home, I’m cuddling with my youngest… I feel rested. Content. Happy.

I’m a simple girl. I took more enjoyment today walking through a cool funky farm and hardware store than I ever do walking through a makeup store at the mall. I like to look good, I like nice things, nice restaurants, but I’m just as at home in a dive bar in a po-dunk town eating waffle fries, or hunting down old rusted up hunks of junk that barely qualify as cars and dream over fixing them up. Yes I did this today… was kind of funny – no trespassing signs posted and visions of a shot gun being aimed at me as I go tromping into a junk yard all because there was this old.. and i mean REALLY old rusted up ambulance. This is the best pic I could hunt up online to show.  And of course, what is my luck as I’m strolling up this hunk of junk star struck but some old guy comes out.  After explaining that I wasn’t a terrorist, I just wanted to admire the car… he seemed a little surprised but was fine with the trespassing.  🙂
ambulance

The glass was still intact in the back. It was etched just like this picture. If only the rest of the car looked like this.  It was completely rusted, collapsing in the middle, and probably had a whole family of stray cats or rodents living in it.   But you could see, if you looked really closely, what she was.  What she had been.  (Yes, I refer to cars as she…. I’m a dork, what can I say?)  Sigh… oh if only I didn’t have to worry about funding a move right now.  I want a project car again.  I miss having one to work on.  I want something American muscle.  Patience Jen, we’ll get there.  Gotta be responsible first.  🙂

Need to kick into high gear now and pack the house, figure out if I’m going to get the place I applied for or if I need to start looking again. Either way though, I need to pack. And there is a lot of house to pack. Should be fun times. 🙂 Have I mentioned that I absolutely HATE moving? 🙂

Staycation Part 1

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It’s Sunday.  The house is quiet.  I am very obviously not on Orcas Island.  And … I’m completely okay with that.  I have no plans for myself for the next couple of days, and I’ve given myself one rule.  Think about (and accomplish) needs/wants only.  No stress or drama, no grumpiness, no pain.  Meaning:  No thoughts about work, no thoughts about moving, no thoughts that bring about sadness or pain.  Or at least try and remember to turn them off when they do occasionally pop up.

Yesterday was lovely.  I met with a friend for coffee, ran a few errands, and then disappeared into a favorite book store.  I filled my arms with books and hunted down a chair.  There was another woman there, and she was doing the same.  Her arms filled with books on dragons.  She had one I’d considered grabbing, as it covered the techniques of painting scales and certain textures.  I commented to her about it as she plopped into the seat next to mine and we ended up chatting about art and comics.  She’s a local artist.  Very nice woman.  We laughed about wanting to have a coloring party and exchanged numbers.  🙂

I talked to my little brother briefly yesterday.  My real brother, not the “bro” I live with. 🙂  He and I are both wanting some sibling time. He’s planning to come stay a night soon so we can stay up too late gabbing and laughing and sharing.  Then have horrible-for-you-but-oh-so-good breakfast diner food the next morning.  I’ve enjoyed watching him get older and become a young adult.  In my case, being significantly older than a sibling is interesting because you love them, and want to share everything you can with them, but know that age and maturity is a factor in understanding the choices that we make as adults or as parents.  So you don’t share everything.  Sometimes you just stay silent and stand back and watch.  I think he’s on the track to being a very cool man.  It will be interesting to see what he grows and becomes.

I came home and painted.  And painted.  And painted.  I had candles.  I had my entire music collection put into one playlist and set to “random”.  I had a glass of amazing red wine.  Ok, over the course of the night I had 2 glasses.  I was trying a new technique I’d found in a book.  I wanted to see if I could accomplish it.  I used a photo as a guide and went about trying to replicate the picture I’d found in the book.  I did it.  It’s not perfect, I somehow messed up half way through and Photoshop put a 30 px outline on all that was laid down.  So I had to go back and repaint a lot of what I’d already done.  I’m still new to painting on the computer.  It’s awkward for me, but I’m dedicated to figuring it out.  Blending just pisses me off on the computer.  You lose the ability to shade with your hands a lot.  But tablets and technology are giving me the opportunity to paint without the mess, in my living room with my feet up, relaxed.  Not hunched over an easel. I knew 3/4 of the way through that I wanted to finish my painting last night, and I knew it would hurt to do so.  My hands were cramping. 🙂 But I was so excited to see what took shape.

Should I show you all?  Please remember, I am not the original artist.  This is NOT my work… I mean – it is … I painted it.  But from a small photo.  I don’t feel right taking credit.  Shoot I feel even worse that I didn’t think to note down the original artist.  Or the book.  Bad Jen.  But here it is all the same.

Image

What a ride life can be…

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I received an email from my landlord this week. The owners we4re moving back and we need to be out by May 31st…and honestly…I am seriously stressed over it.  I’m handling the stress pretty dang well, all things considered.  Tonight I took inventory of the stuff in the house.  Wow. First off, I have a LOT of stuff.  The ex took a lot with him when he left, and still has more to come and take, and I STILL have a lot of stuff.  Funny, when you walk around my current house – it’s oddly sparse and empty – but it’s a 5000 square foot house.  The bro tried to make me feel better about all of it…”It’s a house worth of stuff.”  And yea, he’s right, but what really struck me was that it was a life’s worth.  A family’s worth.  Please don’t misunderstand.  It wasn’t sadness or longing that struck me.  I have absolutely NO desire to go back to that life.  I was so unhappy.  My kids were so unhappy.  What struck me was acceptance.  Trying to go through it all and decide what to keep and what to donate or sell.  Half the time I’d look through a pile of stuff or a collection of furniture and say “Chuck it all!”  Ok maybe it’s spring cleaning?  Out of an entire garage worth of stuff, I found maybe 3 boxes (and my scooter) that I want to keep.  That’s it!  I guess that should make moving a breeze.

Money.  God I hate it.  Have I ever said that? 😉  I do pretty well for myself – most of the time. Hence why I bought a car recently.  I was expecting to renew my lease another 6 months before thinking about moving.  Then the garnishment caught up with me. 25% of every paycheck and can I just say – DAMN that’s enough to really feel it.  But it’s only for 60 days.  I can ride that out.  Now, add up the cost of moving, first month’s rent, deposit money, plus the rent I’ll still have to pay at the old place up through May.  I know there’s a likelihood that folks will be willing to work with me a little.  I have a solid rental history.  Clear background.  Solid references and steady job history.  But my credit – always makes them do something mean like double the asking deposit…and I just don’t have it.

My mom gave me a bunch of grief about not having enough in savings. Actually – that’s not quite right – she assumed I had nothing in savings, which just burned me up a bit.  First off – none of her business.  And to prove that – I said “Mom – ok you tell me how much YOU have in savings.”  She of course wouldn’t answer that.  I have savings.  But it’s not enough to cover all of this.   She and the step dad also advised me not to ask the grandparents.  And they had valid reasons for it.  But that was going to be my next step.  Once I receive the deposit from the house i’m in now (20 days after I move out) … I can cover it all.

I’m going to go have dinner with my real dad.  Going to see if he has any side work I can do.  It takes a lot of me sucking up my own pride to go see my dad.  And it’s a weird mixed emotional bag…. part of me is excited to see him.  He’s my dad.  I’ll see my bro and I really like my dad’s new wife.  They are fun to hang out with.  But I also hate the fakeness of it all.  I hate the ache that I get when I see my dad interact with his kids.  He didn’t ever want to interact with me in that sense.  I hate the judging that happens.  I see this man maybe once a year… and everytime I do, it’s both lovely and wonderful and weird and awkward and awful and painful all at the same time.  He gets very affectionate – which throws me off… I don’t need a grown man I don’t know or trust to be all kissy kissy and tell me how much he loves me.  If that were true – we wouldn’t have the relationship we do.  Be real with me!  You had no qualms with telling me to my face that I was not good enough growing up.  That I’m overweight and can’t do what others do because of it.  That I am not at all a part of him, just my mother’s twin.  I know the lecture I’m going to get.  I know that you will do everything in your power to make me feel inferior, maybe not on purpose – but that’s how I will feel.  I know that I will have to sit and grin and bear it while I am in your home.  And I will.  I’m polite that way.  I know that you will get nosy and try and get details on every single aspect that is my life, and point out everywhere I’ve gone wrong…as if you were perfect.  Mister I cheated on every woman I’ve been with (hoping not the new wife tho, cuz honestly, she’s a gem and I adore her) and didn’t even have the decency to tell your daughter and family and that you had another child until he was 12 years old.  Or how about the guy who didn’t even call me when my grandmother passed away… or invite me to her memorial. Yea – you have every right to sit back and judge me.  The worst crime I’ve done is be overweight.  OOOOOHHHH…. lock me up and throw away the f-ing key.  I’m down a LOT of weight – and I know you’ll point it out.  I’m sure you’ll pretend to root for me and then lay on your lectures about how I need to live my life. I love the man… very much – but I also feel so conflicted about it all. Ugh – can you tell I’m looking forward to this visit?  NOT!  I look forward to seeing everyone else – But him.  I know I’m going to need some serious hugs and kisses and love when I leave.  A sanity check.

I will look at finding freelance work too, as much as I don’t want to.  In the past, freelance has always gotten me out of the occasional pinch.  I looked into tapping into my 401K but I REALLY, REALLY don’t want to do that.  It’ll be my very last resort.

I don’t even know where we’re going to move to.  I have some appointments set for this weekend.  But that scares me too.  $$ for application fees, credit checks, then they’ll want a deposit right there to hold the place and Bam! I lose the house.

I’ve gone back and forth with myself on whether to go on this mini vacation next weekend.  Whether it’s responsible with all that’s going on…but every time, I come back to the same conclusion.  Quite frankly, I need the get away.  I need a chance to recharge, unwind, quiet the mind a little.  I’ve spent 4 months effectively trying to drink from the fire hose at work.  I’m doing it for the most part.  The mind has been trying to soak everything up and it is a daunting task.  Bigger and more complicated than 10 times anything I’ve ever taken on before.  I love it.  Although the learning curve has given me a few moments here and there where I just felt awkward and dumb. I’ll get there.

 

Happy Friday Y’all!