10 years ago, this November, I made a promise to my little baby boy that I would get happy, healthy and spread love like it was candy from my pocket. And for the most part – I’ve upheld my promises. But this year is special. It needs to be special. He would have been 10 years old! So this year, I’m taking the good deed Global. The company I work for is allowing and encouraging me to spread this and utilize the company to do a day of good deeds in honor of Ben…. on a global scale. Every year I pass out blankets for his birthday – and this year – the blanket drive will go beyond the borders of Seattle in a HUGE way. We’re also going to be doing a giant pass it on type of activity – buy a stranger a coffee or get someone’s gas bill… something like that.
I haven’t figured out all of the details yet, but I’m a whirlwind of emotions right now about it. Proud… humbled….honored…. loved…. inspired… one person really CAN make a difference. Stay tuned… once I figure things out in more depth – I’ll be sure to share it here too – that way you all can maybe participate too – in your own ways!
Over the years, I’ve struggled with having a spine. Standing up to others, dealing with conflict…these are things that I can be terrible at, and amazing at; depending on the topic at hand and the context of the situation. I’m usually better at standing up for others over myself.
In the last few weeks, I’ve re-joined a support group that I used to work with on a regular basis. And in the last few weeks, thanks to some of the incredible men and women in this group, I have noticed a shift in my own confidence, my ability to communicate my feelings and needs and my ability to stand up and shut down situations where I am uncomfortable or upset. I’m re-learning how to set healthy, appropriate boundaries. It feels good. Heck, it feels GREAT.
Something that I have noticed about myself in doing this is that when I make great strides in my own emotional well-being, I tend to get a bit antsy when the folks i love and care about aren’t doing it for themselves. I am learning to wear my big girl panties with pride. To be an adult, and own my responsibilities. If I promise something, I keep my promise. If I know I won’t be able to keep my word, I don’t make the promise. If for some weird reason, I can’t keep my promise, I find a way to make up for it and essentially still make do on what I swore I’d do.
I’m also learning that the only thing I can truly control, is me and my actions, feelings and reactions to others. I can’t force someone to keep their word. What I wish I could do, however, was control how I feel when someone doesn’t keep their word.
I’ve had that happen to me recently. I’ve given this person a chance to make it right. They essentially have a few weeks to figure out a plan and make good on their promises before I will have to decide what I plan on doing next in regards to our relationship. I won’t lie, it’s a bit frustrating when I consider that the solution is really quite simple and would be very easy to get accomplished. They know what those solutions are… now it’s on them. I hate the waiting. I hate not knowing whether someone will essentially act like the grown up they are or if they will continue to show me that they are a child. I want to yell… “Dude!? Grow UP! It’s not hard!!” Sigh. Isn’t life fun?