Lead in to the holidays… with some frustration!

Hey – so it’s been a few weeks since I’ve written.  It’s been busy – prepping for the holidays, dealing with a very mean virus that pretty much put me down for the count for a solid week, working on my side business.  Life overall, has been pretty good.

BUT…

I also find that in the last couple weeks – my frustration is up, for many reasons.  There’s something about this time of year – it brings people out from their hiding spots to say hello.  In most cases, this is great, as I enjoy catching up with old friends and family.  But it’s the ones you wish would stay in their hiding spots that bother me.  Those people who are so desperate for affection or god knows what else during the holidays – who you don’t hear from any other time of the year.

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“Hey there…”  I get a message on my phone.  The number is not in my phone – therefore I immediately know that whomever this contact is, wasn’t warranted as being worthy of being added into my phone.  Approach with caution! lol.

“Who is this?”

“Oh hey – we talked briefly 3 years ago on OKCupid.. I kept this number.  What’s your name?”

Hold up… hold the phone.  There is so much that is wrong with this situation.  First off – you kept a phone number for someone you don’t know for 3 years all because at one point we talked on a dating app?  What the hell am I saved in your phone as, Girl No. 87?  Second of all – you reach out …. after 3 YEARS of NO contact… to what?  Continue the conversation out of the blue, as if I’ve been waiting patiently for you to respond?  UGH!

Few minutes later, I still haven’t shared my name… cue the dick pics.  Seriously dude?!  If I haven’t talked to you in 3 years, I’m not responding much right now, and you don’t find me on the dating site that we met on to begin with – what on EARTH makes you think it’s ok to send me dick photos?  Do you think that by receiving pics of Mr. Winky that I’ll fall all over myself to meet you, and then let you sleep with me where in all likelihood, you’ll get off and I won’t?!  Because obviously if you’re this desperate – your skills are likely lacking.  F-That!

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I met someone recently who managed to make my aries anger monster come out in full force.  It’s actually pretty rare that someone pisses me off, as I’m pretty even keeled in general.  I was having a conversation with a few folks at a sports bar – we were talking about the dating world and how things have changed over the years.  I had stated my opinion about sex.  That it would be nice to go back to a world where sex and intimacy is special.  Because it SHOULD be!  Sex is easy to get – love… not so much.  This asshat decided to inform me that my opinion on the matter sounded like a highschooler.  That I’m naive and immature for thinking that and that I should just learn to embrace casual sex because that’s the new way of the world.  Cue my disgust.

Fine – maybe I am a naive highschooler.  *sigh* No… F-That!  I know I’m not.

Maybe I’m just a grown woman who’s realized what’s important to her.  Maybe I’m someone who allowed the world and society to re-shape my thoughts and opinions on sex and I regret it to some extent.  What I should have said to this lowlife of a man was “Fine – maybe YOU don’t think sex should be special – perhaps that’s why you’re ALWAYS on the hunt for your next victim and why you’ll forever wonder when you’ll find the right girl for you.  The right girl for you is obviously a blow up doll, you asshat!”

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Now don’t misunderstand – I’m not saying sex should ALWAYS be special – cuz sometimes quickies are awesome, and sometimes the mood calls for something else entirely – but I am a firm believer that I should know the ins and outs of someone’s heart and mind BEFORE I get to know their dick.  If that makes me old fashioned or naive… fine.  I’ll own that.

A few of my friends have been giving me relationship and dating advice – and truth be told, I occasionally seek out their opinions.  But this weekend, it dawned on me that perhaps I’m done seeking other’s thoughts on my life.  As much as I value my friends, and I value their opinions and experience on things, I also realized that I’m not them.  I don’t, and won’t make the same choices they do, when it comes to my life.  It was a freeing feeling… although I doubt they’d be very happy to hear it.

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On another topic:  My side business is booming.  I’m so shocked and surprised.  Last week -we put up a retail display at a massage clinic/chiropractor care clinic.  It was just meant to be a test to see what kind of interest we’d have and to see how the display shelves held up.  The idea was that we’d get 2 weeks of time under our belt before xmas just to see how things go.  I had convinced myself to not be disappointed if we didn’t sell anything.  Imagine my surprise when on day 2, I got a phone call that they needed more stock!  I restocked those shelves 3 times last week!!  I’m thrilled, and surprised, and excited!

This past weekend was full of experiments on some new scents and new products.  Yesterday, my daughter and I tested some of our experiments out.  So far – everything we tested has been burning beautifully.  Next week – I’m going to play with making soaps, and I won’t lie – I can’t wait!  If everything works out the way I hope it will – I’ll have some new additions to the product line in January!  It’s strange – I never imagined I’d get into this stuff – candles and soaps and skincare.  But I LOVE playing the mad scientist!!  It’s a blast!!

Well – I better get on with my day!  Much love to you Neverland.

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Do you “catfish” your online photos?

A few of my friends are doing the online dating thing.  I’ve tried it before… and it’s just really not my thing.  And, it always felt like the people on those sites are looking for something very different than anything I wanted.  Don’t worry – I’m staying away from anything like that these days.  Heck, my interest in trying on a bunch of different guys to see if one fits probably equals my desire to go to the dentist for some drilling… there’s so many other things I’d rather be doing.  I think that with the current hookup society, the idea of dating is a bit intimidating and would be quite frustrating.  I’m a bit old fashioned.  For me, I cannot disconnect sex and the emotions of love.  So I’ve been avoiding putting myself into those types of situations until I feel that I’m ready to love someone again.  It just seems safer all around…for everyone involved.  And it’s worked out fine!  I’m enjoying focusing on other things. And I know that eventually, I’ll stumble upon someone who fits me and I’ll hop back on the roller coaster ride of love all over again.

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That said tho,  I DO enjoy living vicariously through my friends.  Some of the dates they go on are real doozies. I got into a conversation yesterday with friends about the notion of catfishing with photos.  It was interesting to hear other people’s perspectives on the concept.  What we were referring to was the notion that someone will portray them-self as one way when really they are another.  So a fluffy chick might take pics from the neck up, or in particularly flattering angles in order to get a photo that she could then use on a dating website.  While the photo IS her… it’s not necessarily painting a full or accurate picture of who they really are or what they look like.

Here’s my question tho… where do you draw the line?  EVERYONE prefers to post pictures that they feel are flattering.  Men and woman BOTH do this.  And if you think about it, in this day an age of online dating, of COURSE you want to put your best self forward.

One of my friends believed you shouldn’t put the makeup shots out there, that we as a society have to do away with the duckface selfies and anything remotely similar.  To ONLY be real.  And while I can understand his attitude on this… and even agree with it a little bit… it’s also completely unrealistic.  Never going to happen my friend!

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But then you have the people that swing the other way – they post pictures that are 50 lbs ago, or 5 years ago, or both.  Back when they had a full head of hair, rather than a receding hair line.  I know why they post them… trying to put your best foot forward again.  It makes sense.  But it’s not ok to do unless you caption the photo correctly!

So.. again I say… where’s the line?  It’s not like you’re going to take a photo of yourself and then using a red paintbrush in photoshop circle or draw arrows to all your flaws.  That would be going above and beyond.

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J, my other girlfriend says she likes to post both..the full make up, looking hot selfies, along with at least one un-makeup’d face, plus of course at least one full body shot.  I think that seems like a good compromise.

So to those of you out there who are building your online dating profiles, looking for love, consider what pictures you use in your profiles.  Are you really being REAL?  How much of yourself do you put out there?  Do you mix it up, do you caption well?

Happy Hunting and have a great day Neverland!

XXO!

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A little social experiment

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The last two weeks at work have been what I lovingly call – Dead weeks.  It’s the time of year when just about everyone in the office takes vacation and no one is around.  I like working at this time of year, I get so much more done.  BUT… there’s a lot more down time.  So in my boredom, I decided to try a little experiment.  I created an ad on craigslist, within the platonic section of the personals.  “Bored, chat?”.  I wrote a brief very general description of who I am, and stated that I’m not looking for absolutely anything other than some lively banter or witty chat.  Strictly platonic.  And then I waited.

What I expected to get versus what I actually got was quite surprising.  🙂  I’ve taken the ad down now, my work week is back in full swing and I didn’t want to be bothered with pinging from craigslist emails anymore.  But here’s a rundown of the note-worthy people I’ve chatted with in the last two weeks.

The Lawyer.
He’s in his 40’s and living here in my town.  We had a very interesting conversation around what it’s like for a relatively successful man to date in today’s age.  The expectation that women have and don’t necessarily vocalize.  Honestly, this conversation was truly interesting.  I didn’t realize how prevalent it was (at least in his world) for women to have height and wage restrictions on potential mates.  It seemed to me that he’s run into a lot of people who look at what he does and immediately have a stereotype.

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The Cat Lady
I swear, I’m not making this one up.  This woman, in her late 40’s has 10 cats.  No relationships, no children, never been married.  Sweet woman, but I do believe the love she has for her kitties might be causing some strain there.  Heck, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d admitted to being a virgin still.  It was every stereotype of a cat lady rolled into one person.  She shared pics of her newest kittens and we talked about the holidays and the weather.

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The Undertaker
Ok, so when this older man sent me a message telling me he was an undertaker, I couldn’t resist writing back and asking him how on earth he landed on that career path.  He shared his story with me, and what he likes and doesn’t like about his job.  Said how his job is very repetitive… but it’s the people he meets.  The families and their stories that keep him doing it.  I probably would have continued to chat with him, had his emails not gone down a bit of a creepy vibe.  He shared pics of his “workplace” – it was a grave they were hand digging.  And while I can share my respect for what he does – someone has to do it – I got a little creeped out and stopped responding.  🙂

The Gay man-whore
First, it should be noted that some of my very best friends are gay and bi-sexual.  So I recognize that that title is not the best.  But it’s what I could come up with.  This man cracked me up.  At first, he only gave very general answers, stories, and sharing lightly, but after a day or so, he started sharing in more detail than my innocent eyes and mind could take in.  He has a passion for art, so our conversation was a bit all over the place.

The Marine badass
She’d just come home for leave.  Yes, you read that right.  She.  And holy cow, the stories she shared with me.  I have mad respect for anyone who is willing to give their life to serve our country – but this woman truly kicked that respect level up a notch.  She doesn’t have family here so it was nice to spread a little holiday cheer to someone who not only deserved it, but kind of needed it.

The foreigner
Google translate is a magical thing.  🙂  It allowed me to have a semi-intelligent conversation with someone in another language.  Granted, it was mostly about food and recipes… but I’m looking forward to trying my hand at some authentic recipes!  🙂

Of course, there were a few of the sleezy folks who obviously needed schooling on what the word platonic meant… but out of maybe 150 different emails, they accounted for maybe 7 of them.  The rest of the folks who responded were normal, every day joes.  I certainly didn’t respond to all of them, but the few that I picked out to chat to definitely helped open my eyes to who’s sharing the world with me.  I was glad to see that my own stereotypes about who I’d find on craigslist were wrong.  It gives me a bit more hope for humanity. 🙂

Happy Monday!  Goodnight Neverland.

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