Just a little update on my lunch break

It’s my first day back at work after having a lovely holiday vacation.  It was challenging to get up early this morning – serves me right for not at least trying to stick to my normal schedule.  But ultimately, it feels good to be back to work, and so far, today I’ve been very productive.  It’s nice to know I only have a few more hours left of my day.

Did you all have a nice holiday?  Honestly – I think I can say that this has been the best holiday I’ve had in a long time.  It was spent relaxing and doing the things that I wanted to do.  I visited my grandparents and hung out with friends.  I stayed up late watching comedy and binge watched a few new shows.  Christmas morning, we had our annual nerf and silly string battle.  It was pretty epic this year, as I managed to secure an entire case of silly string.  What a giant mess THAT made – but was soo worth it! 🙂

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I’ve been dating someone.  I know – shock!! We’ve been seeing each other since October and over the holidays – we officially became a couple.  I’m so happy and content right now.  I’m not typically the type of girl to sit and gush about someone – especially in a public forum – but I honestly cannot help myself.  Meeting him, falling for him, loving him… it was all unexpected.  I was perfectly happy and content being single and staying that way.  Who knew?!

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This man makes me light up.  I’m confident and comfortable when I’m with him.  Yea – I’ve had a few moments of anxiety pop up – but what’s interesting to me is that even when they do – I can usually spot them for what they are.  Old habits that are hard to kill off.  Old insecurities that have no relevance with him.  So it’s been fairly easy to squash those icky worries when they pop up.  He’s met all my close friends.  And shockingly – even my brother likes him!! That has NEVER happened before, in ANY of my relationships.  So I’ll call that a huge win.  At some point, I’ll introduce him to the rest of my family – although I’m in no rush there.

It was my children who ended up showing me just how different this one is.  In the past – they were kind of indifferent to anyone I dated.  In some cases, that was simply because they didn’t get to know whomever I was seeing (hey – a mom has to protect her babies!).  With my ex… they got to know him.  And although they liked him well enough – they never built much of a relationship with him.  With this man… it’s been different.  They got to meet him fairly early on, and he’s done an amazing job of making them feel included and special.  My son bragged about how he had a youtube watching snuggle and napping buddy to my step dad over the holidays.  Melted my heart to hear how much of an impact was already being had on my son – and scared the crap out of me all at the same time.  It’s one thing to risk my own heart – it’s another ball of wax to watch my kids open their hearts to someone, knowing they could get hurt too.  But I have high hopes.  I’m fairly certain this man understands that they are my world and that I would do anything to keep them safe and happy.

I’m enjoying the happy coasting stage… where life is just simple bliss.  Where there is comfort in knowing that I’m in love with someone who’s perfectly happy falling in love with me right back.  And even if this is all I get… and things don’t turn into something more… I’m grateful for all these feelings and all this joy.  I needed it.  More than I knew.  It’s shown me what I was missing, it’s shown me how much I’ve grown and how much I’ve really changed from the girl I was before.  I’ve had opportunities in my life – a few times in fact – where love has stared me in the face.  In some cases, I embraced it head on – and in others, I ran with my tail between my legs.  I’ve been hurt, and I’ve (unintentionally) hurt others.  It is the nature of life in all it’s glory.  Right now – my only plan is to keep going.  To enjoy and embrace everything I can when it comes.

Love to you all!  Goodnight Neverland.

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Lead in to the holidays… with some frustration!

Hey – so it’s been a few weeks since I’ve written.  It’s been busy – prepping for the holidays, dealing with a very mean virus that pretty much put me down for the count for a solid week, working on my side business.  Life overall, has been pretty good.

BUT…

I also find that in the last couple weeks – my frustration is up, for many reasons.  There’s something about this time of year – it brings people out from their hiding spots to say hello.  In most cases, this is great, as I enjoy catching up with old friends and family.  But it’s the ones you wish would stay in their hiding spots that bother me.  Those people who are so desperate for affection or god knows what else during the holidays – who you don’t hear from any other time of the year.

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“Hey there…”  I get a message on my phone.  The number is not in my phone – therefore I immediately know that whomever this contact is, wasn’t warranted as being worthy of being added into my phone.  Approach with caution! lol.

“Who is this?”

“Oh hey – we talked briefly 3 years ago on OKCupid.. I kept this number.  What’s your name?”

Hold up… hold the phone.  There is so much that is wrong with this situation.  First off – you kept a phone number for someone you don’t know for 3 years all because at one point we talked on a dating app?  What the hell am I saved in your phone as, Girl No. 87?  Second of all – you reach out …. after 3 YEARS of NO contact… to what?  Continue the conversation out of the blue, as if I’ve been waiting patiently for you to respond?  UGH!

Few minutes later, I still haven’t shared my name… cue the dick pics.  Seriously dude?!  If I haven’t talked to you in 3 years, I’m not responding much right now, and you don’t find me on the dating site that we met on to begin with – what on EARTH makes you think it’s ok to send me dick photos?  Do you think that by receiving pics of Mr. Winky that I’ll fall all over myself to meet you, and then let you sleep with me where in all likelihood, you’ll get off and I won’t?!  Because obviously if you’re this desperate – your skills are likely lacking.  F-That!

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I met someone recently who managed to make my aries anger monster come out in full force.  It’s actually pretty rare that someone pisses me off, as I’m pretty even keeled in general.  I was having a conversation with a few folks at a sports bar – we were talking about the dating world and how things have changed over the years.  I had stated my opinion about sex.  That it would be nice to go back to a world where sex and intimacy is special.  Because it SHOULD be!  Sex is easy to get – love… not so much.  This asshat decided to inform me that my opinion on the matter sounded like a highschooler.  That I’m naive and immature for thinking that and that I should just learn to embrace casual sex because that’s the new way of the world.  Cue my disgust.

Fine – maybe I am a naive highschooler.  *sigh* No… F-That!  I know I’m not.

Maybe I’m just a grown woman who’s realized what’s important to her.  Maybe I’m someone who allowed the world and society to re-shape my thoughts and opinions on sex and I regret it to some extent.  What I should have said to this lowlife of a man was “Fine – maybe YOU don’t think sex should be special – perhaps that’s why you’re ALWAYS on the hunt for your next victim and why you’ll forever wonder when you’ll find the right girl for you.  The right girl for you is obviously a blow up doll, you asshat!”

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Now don’t misunderstand – I’m not saying sex should ALWAYS be special – cuz sometimes quickies are awesome, and sometimes the mood calls for something else entirely – but I am a firm believer that I should know the ins and outs of someone’s heart and mind BEFORE I get to know their dick.  If that makes me old fashioned or naive… fine.  I’ll own that.

A few of my friends have been giving me relationship and dating advice – and truth be told, I occasionally seek out their opinions.  But this weekend, it dawned on me that perhaps I’m done seeking other’s thoughts on my life.  As much as I value my friends, and I value their opinions and experience on things, I also realized that I’m not them.  I don’t, and won’t make the same choices they do, when it comes to my life.  It was a freeing feeling… although I doubt they’d be very happy to hear it.

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On another topic:  My side business is booming.  I’m so shocked and surprised.  Last week -we put up a retail display at a massage clinic/chiropractor care clinic.  It was just meant to be a test to see what kind of interest we’d have and to see how the display shelves held up.  The idea was that we’d get 2 weeks of time under our belt before xmas just to see how things go.  I had convinced myself to not be disappointed if we didn’t sell anything.  Imagine my surprise when on day 2, I got a phone call that they needed more stock!  I restocked those shelves 3 times last week!!  I’m thrilled, and surprised, and excited!

This past weekend was full of experiments on some new scents and new products.  Yesterday, my daughter and I tested some of our experiments out.  So far – everything we tested has been burning beautifully.  Next week – I’m going to play with making soaps, and I won’t lie – I can’t wait!  If everything works out the way I hope it will – I’ll have some new additions to the product line in January!  It’s strange – I never imagined I’d get into this stuff – candles and soaps and skincare.  But I LOVE playing the mad scientist!!  It’s a blast!!

Well – I better get on with my day!  Much love to you Neverland.

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Today, I’m thankful

I got my ring!  I went and picked it up last night from the jewelers.  It’s so fricken pretty!! 🙂  I feel so special with it on!  It’s mine.  My gift… to me.  Now I feel like I need to do my nails or something – make my hands be pretty enough to wear it.  There was a brief moment, yesterday on the way home, where I felt guilty that I’d splurged on myself in this way.  But I convinced myself to remember that I so rarely do anything just for me.  And I spoil EVERYONE at christmas.  Aren’t I allowed to be just a little bit spoiled myself?  I do believe, I’ve earned it.

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It’s a strange day at work today.  80% of the office is out on vacation.  Next week – that will up to 95%.  On one hand, its a lovely contrast to the high stress, fast pace I’ve been moving for the last couple months.  But on the other, it’s weird, and eerie and I feel like I should be doing a lot more than I actually am.

I’m considering attending a masquerade ball for new years eve.  I’ve never done anything like that before.  It’s kind of fun to consider getting all dressed up in formal gear, a mask, maybe even a stylish crazy wig… Who knows, maybe it is because I recently watched Phantom of the Opera, but I have visions of their masquerade in my head.  Seems like a unique experience to try.  🙂  We’ll see if I get the courage to buy a ticket and plan the outfit.  I think I found the dress I’d want to wear.  It’s too fabulous for the likes of lil ol me, but I can’t help but think it would also oddly, be perfect.  A striking difference to who I normally am.

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This weekend will be a full one.  I get to go witness my brother being baptized into the church his fiance attends.  I joked that I should likely not attend, as I’m not religious and lightning just might strike me down as I enter the church.  He laughed and told me I had no choice.  I might not be religious, but I’m certainly proud of my brother.  He’s come along way in just a couple of years.

The rest of the weekend will be filled with wrapping presents and preparing for the coming holidays.  I’m looking forward to the eggnog, the music, even the paper cuts. 🙂

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To you all, wishing you a very happy friday.  Smile today, even if only for a moment.  You are loved.

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