The end of an emotional weekend

What a weekend I had.  My daughter had a friend over for a sleepover, and while I will not divulge details about this girl, I will share that her mom, a dear friend of mine, passed away a couple years ago.  It was… absolutely heart breaking then, and shook me to my core.  I still think about her every single day. And it’s been a long time since we’ve spent time with that family. So this weekend has certainly left me feeling emotional…  And protective over children, in general.

Last night, she asked if we could take a moment and do a group snuggle – because she didn’t get that much at home these days.  My heart broke as I snuggled both girls for a while.  I stayed up way too late, snuggling and chatting with them.  Caught up on how her life had been since we’d last seen each other.  And it shook me all over again.  I tucked them in and stayed up tossing and turning over it all.  This morning, I took them out for breakfast.  Waffles with cotton candy on top – because .. that’s why.  Just because.

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Because maybe, a little extra sweetness, be it a snuggle, a kind word, a funny story, or even cotton candy on top of a rainbow waffle … with sprinkles…. will somehow put a smile on a kid’s face.  And if that happens… maybe she’ll be able to survive this horrendous childhood that she has had.  Yea – I know it’s a stretch.  But damn it… what else can I possibly do?! She now has a standing invite to come over regularly, as well as halloween and any other time she needs a snuggle… but even I know … It’s not enough.

It’s interesting how small your own problems can become in moments like these.  I’ve cried a lot this weekend… cried for her, cried for mother, cried for the unfairness of it all, cried out of gratefulness for my own children… ugh.  I’m done crying, and tomorrow, my still partially sick butt has to get up and go to work and get my head in the game.

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It’s funny, this isn’t how I’d imagined my weekend turning out – but I wouldn’t trade it.  Maybe I needed a reminder … that my problems and stress are small in comparison to what they could be.  That I have it so much better than some, and have given my children a world that is healthy and positive and full of laughter and snuggles and love.  I have to remind myself that I cannot hug everyone.  I can’t heal everyone.  That I have to be content with helping those that I can… and not get hung up on those whom I couldn’t.

Goodnight Neverland.  I wish you all the best.

Much love,

Jen

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The light after a storm…

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Wow what a week!  I swear, it’s been the longest week in history.  An emotional roller coaster that up until this morning, I was pretty convinced would end badly for me.  I tried to just keep plugging away, to keep trying, keep pushing; and can you believe it?  It worked.  Now suddenly, heading into the weekend, it feels a bit like the clouds have lifted.  The way the light changes just after a storm.  When things calm down and everything starts to recover from the turmoil that just swept past.

At work – I had to lay off my entire team.  It was such an emotional ride.  Lots of tears at the beginning of the week – from everyone, myself included.

Then was presented with a hiccup in the house buying process, and for a moment, I bawled my eyes out because I was pretty sure I was no longer going to get the house.  BUT… some amazing attorneys jumped in and helped me get things squared away.  And after a lot of running around this morning, I got confirmation from my lender that all is well and that they’re going to try and push for closing next week or the week after.

I’m elated, but I’m also just plain exhausted.  This week has certainly been incredibly taxing.  I get the joy of spending the weekend at my Dad’s.  I’m looking forward to doing a bit of relaxing.  Although, truthfully, I should be spending the time packing and getting everything squared away, I just don’t think I have the energy to do it.

That’s ok – I’ll focus on all of that next week, with fresh eyes and a fresh outlook.  I can breathe easier, and maybe even get some good sleep, knowing that all that I’ve been working towards, this journey I started down so that I could provide an even better life for my kids… it’s working out the way I’d always hoped.

I try and remember that for every win, someone must fail.  There is always balance in life.  I have experienced many fails.  It feels lovely to finally win.

Goodnight Neverland, hope you all are well.

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