The circle of life can be a bitch sometimes….


I’ve owned 10 cats in my life.  It’s funny, I really like dogs.  I’ve owned 7 dogs as well.  (By the way this is over the course of 30+ years… I am not a weird pet hoarder.)  In general, I view myself as an animal lover.  I believe a dog is a loyal companion to the family.  A best friend.  A cat, is something different.  It’s a mutual respect.  They view themselves as an equal to you.  They want loves when they want them.  They can be vocal and affectionate.

  • Rusty: Orange fluffy tabby – “went to live on a farm” when I was little
  • Socks: Black Kitten – needed surgery and had to go to a new home
  • Nibbles aka Kitty:  Brown Tabby – Lived 16 years
  • Mousers: Brown Tabby – Lived to 10 years
  • Squeakers – Lived to 11 years
  • Bella – Long haired tabby: Found a new home
  • 3 litters of kittens that were adopted out to new homes.
  • Jake – White cat: Hit by a car
  • George – Siamese cat: is 9 years old
  • Tiger: Orange tabby – got eaten by a couger
  • Zelda – Grey tabby kitten

Three of the cats I’ve owned, stand out as the most amazing creatures.  Nibbles and Squeakers were truly amazing cats.  Nibbles was the cat my parents had when I was growing up.  She was affectionate, but only when she wanted to be.  She would play, but she was gentle and always knew to keep her claws in.  Squeakers was my cat after I left home.  She loved water and would shower with you.  George is my siamese right now.  He was born as part of a litter from one of my previous cats, in my old dresser.  I was the first thing he saw.  He’s a fantastic cat.  Most of my friends say he’s not a cat, that he’s more like a dog.  He’s a great hunter.  He loves to leave “gifts” of poor creatures he’s hunted.  He’s getting older.  He’s acting strange.  I’ve seen this before.  Well – some of it.  I’m going to take him to the vet tomorrow.  I’m sure he’ll be okay, but what hit me is that he’s 9 years old.  At some point in the future, he’ll pass away, and that makes me sad.  He’s been a good friend to me.  And what also strikes me is that he’ll be the first death since Ben.  My daughter won’t take it well.  Sigh.  The circle of life can be a real bitch sometimes.  Just saying.

Goodnight Neverland.

Could use a hug today


Group hug time.  It’s been a good week.  Exhausting, trying at times, but good overall.  That said, I still need a hug.  This need crept up on me today.  And no amount of work distractions are making up for it.  I have a relaxing weekend ahead.  The ex is taking the kids to visit his family out on the coast.  It means 3 days of a quiet house.  It means I can schedule and do pretty much whatever I want.  Which is a rare treat that normally has me excited and busy planning.  But for some reason, I’m struggling a bit this time.  Yea, I’ve made plans to see a few friends, maybe hit a movie.  But I’m keeping it pretty low key.  Is it possible that maybe I’m just flat out exhausted, not from physical activities, not from work, but just from life itself?  Maybe it’s a little bit of depression rearing it’s ugly head, who knows.  But all I know is that right now – I wish I were one of those kitties in the image above.  To sit and cuddle, and get hugs.  To purr with contentment over something simple like a hug or a touch.  Our lives are so busy these days.  With work, families, technology, friends… How often do we really disconnect from it all?  I’d like nothing more than to disconnect from the screens and devices for a few days and revel in some in-person human interaction.

It’s funny, when pain or sadness lays just beneath the surface, there are times when you can physically feel it trying to bubble up.  An ache in the chest, a tightening of the belly, a flush of the face and then before you know it, tears start to well up and threaten to fall.  But before I typically hit that stage, I hit a stage of infinite calm and quiet.  A moment of pause and reflection.  This is typically the moments when I will have epiphanies about life or myself or others around me;  Moments of clarity and truth that then determine the shape and trajectory of the path I’m walking on.  I cherish these moments…even if I hate the emotions that typically follow.  I cherish the opportunity to reflect and learn from my choices and mistakes, even when those moments cause me pain or make me feel stupid (when I’ve made a poor choice).

Sending a hug out today.  To all of you lost in your own moments, at whatever stage they may be in.  Figured, if I need a hug today, maybe so do some of you.  And maybe, just maybe, if we’re lucky, we’ll all soon be purring with contentment.