Hehe… the joy of being me, is that there always seems to be a billion and five thoughts running through my head at one time. For the mind of a creative… thoughts generally spin out and in like water rushing from a flowing river. Sometimes they stay on topic, sometimes they do not. There are pros and cons to this… from a job perspective, it means that I almost always have a new swirl of ideas and brainstorm fodder to pull from – which is always a good thing. On the personal spectrum, it’s not always a good thing, because it often means that I overthink things, or come across as the random A.D.D girl to some friends. Which I’m almost positive leaves them thinking I’m a bit of a dork – but I’m ok with that. Cuz ultimately – I AM a bit of a dork.
I’ve spent the past few days, sick. I swear – it’s been the year of the cold and flu in my house and it gets old fast. I’m home from work today – currently perched on my couch with my laptop and a new series I’m enjoying playing on the television. I was pretty stressed and anxious yesterday – but today – i’m feeling relaxed, content and happy. It’s nice.
I can’t believe the year is almost over. We’re about to go into 2018, can you believe it?! It’s interesting to look back at times, see how much has changed… how far I’ve come. Both over the years, as well as over such a short amount of time. I’m so pleased. Who knew life would work out this way? 🙂
Much love to you all. I hope you all have a wonderful day.
First off, I suppose I should apologize. You see, I use writing as a release. When I’m feeling down, or lost or anxious… writing helps me find a way to vocalize whatever it is that’s weighing me down. And once I can do that, once I process it – I can let it go. But in the past few months, I’ve been on a bit of a rollercoaster, and haven’t really had the desire to do much writing about it. So.. here it goes… a brief update on all the busy happenings that have been my life since I last wrote.
My side business is doing very well. I imagine at some point towards the end of the year, that it will no longer be a side business… but something a bit more on the main business side of things. It’s exciting and has been a lot of fun. My best friend and my daughter are both heavily involved and it brings me a lot of joy and fulfillment to work on it with them. Not to mention, I can pour my creativity into every new recipe or batch. I won’t lie, a LOT of my time has been poured into my business… between making the products and making sure they have the proper cure times, researching recipes and new products to add to my lines, testing batches, labeling & packaging, shipping, marketing, attending pop ups or shows… it’s a LOT of work!
I had a bit of a health scare for a few months. Ended with me having a procedure that, at least so far, has given me some answers. I’m learning how to manage. Some days, I have more energy than others, but I’ll be damned if I’m just going to sit by and feel sorry for myself over it. I’m unique. LOL. That will have to do.
I’ve attended a few events, a fair, have visited a few farmer’s markets and even had the privilege of participating in an east indian wedding… such an incredible experience. And the photos.. let me tell you! All the colors!!! Such a treat. It’s been a lovely summer so far, and it’s not quite over yet.
My daughter and I are planning a mural on the long fence that is on one side of our property. We’ve got a few scenes we’ll work into it, and we’ve spent a decent amount of time planning it out and discussing each scene. I’ll be buying the paint & supplies tomorrow and we’re both pretty excited to get it going… even if it will take a while to complete it.
Mid-way through August, I’ve rented a little cabin for a couple of days. I’m hoping the new Kayaks that I’ve ordered will be here, but if not, I’ll use one of the old ones. I’m really looking forward to it. To get out, explore… whether it’s by car, foot or boat. To have nothing pressing, no rush to do anything except what I want. There’s even a hot tub… so if I want to relax and soak under the stars… I can. 🙂 Absolute bliss. I’m craving a little quiet. To slow down and just watch the world around me. I’ll be sure to bring my camera. I like to capture that which inspires me.
My day job has been going really well – we’ve been taking on a few projects that really have me excited. I’m enthusiastic to see how they go… projects often morph and take on a new direction from how we first imagined them. It’s a bit like watching your child grow up – and now you can’t really control what direction they take.
I’m still consistently losing 2-5 pounds each week. I’m pleased by that. I know I’ll plateau again… will just keep going. The way I see it, it took me a while to put on the weight – going to take just as long to take it off.
I’ve had an interesting couple of weeks actually – my roommate/nanny is going to be moving out at the end of August. There’s been a little drama here and there in regards to that… so I’ll be happy to have the house back down to me and the kids. Shoot – I can’t wait to feel comfortable getting juice from kitchen in my undies again! LOL. But between her drama, and some drama with our neighbor behind us who wasn’t happy when my daugher washed the car and streams of water went into his yard, and the fact that I had to once again stand up to the ex to remind him that I don’t deserve to be treated with verbal abuse when he’s not getting his way… I’m so over it. And truthfully, my confidence has taken a hit this week.
Normally, I don’t let things like this get to me. Not really. I may be upset for a few minutes, but truthfully, I calm down pretty quick and get over it. But people this week, have left me feeling a bit confused, and more than a little lost. I don’t think I was expecting it, so of course, it tripped me up a bit. But I’m working through it. I think it’s just a moment when I have to consciously decide that I will continue to just be me. To unashamedly… Be. Me. To do what I always do… to keep on keeping on. Take me as I am, or leave me be. I don’t think that can be a poor choice. I suppose it would depend on how emotionally healthy “Me” is in this scenario… but in this circumstance… I feel pretty good about that.
It is 8 o’clock and I’m going to fall asleep here very soon. I woke up at 5am, left my house at 6am and still didn’t get to work until 8:10am; and it took 2 hours to get home after a full day. It’s weird, I don’t want to go to sleep yet because I feel like I just got home and there’s still some things I’d like to get done, but I can barely keep my eyelids open, so writing in here was my compromise to myself.
It’s Ben’s birthday tomorrow. And I’m not sad or feeling anything heavy about it this year. For a brief moment, I had a twinge of guilt writing that… but it’s ok to move past that heavy, sad stage of grief. At least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’d think it’s actually quite healthy. It HAS been 7 years. I think about him daily. Just a brief thought here and there. I still talk to him often… and when things in life suddenly go my way, I often say “Thank you Ben!” as if some how he had a hand in it.
Today was day 2 of the new job, and so far, I’m absolutely thrilled to be where I am. The people seem passionate and enthusiastic about the company and our product and services. I’m already knee deep in research, with pages and pages of hand-written notes and questions and things to look up or research. My first couple weeks on a job can be pretty intense. I try and dive in to understand as much as I can as quickly as I possibly can so that I can start to be put to better use. It’s a lot of fun for me, but also quite draining. By mid afternoon – my brain decides it’s done and becomes more like mush than anything workable. Hehe.
This weekend I’m going to either attempt to make some homemade lotions, or I’m going to continue to practice at candle making. My last big batch turned out AWESOME! Now I really need to start playing with scents. Figure out the balance of scent to wax that I prefer. I’m enjoying using essential oils. It’s really been a fun hobby to play around with, and my friends will benefit come christmas time, because I’ll certainly be including them with their gifts! 🙂 These are some shots I took from my last 5 batches. 🙂
Well – I need sleep, sorry that this is a bit short tonight. Goodnight neverland! Dream sweet!
Because of my blog post yesterday, I gained the courage I needed to speak up. That’s truly the benefit of writing in this blog, it helps me work out what I’m thinking in my head and be able to come to others with a clear message. 🙂
Today, I’m feeling a bit better about things. I woke up this morning and it was as if something clicked. I don’t want to be mopey any more. The christmas season is here! It’s time to water the grass on my side of the fence and just enjoy life! Sure work is stressful – but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let any of that take away from my favorite time of year.
I want to bake cookies. I want to go see xmas lights. I want to sing carols and wrap presents. I want to give gifts and be thoroughly spoiled in return. I want to bundle up near a bon fire and drink hot cocoa with a little kahluha in it and watch the xmas ships drift by listening to some good jazz music.
I want to revel in what I love about this time of year. The quiet moments, when snow is falling and the world goes still. The crazy chaotic moments, when the kids all wake up on christmas morning and there’s music and laughter and exclamations of surprise over gifts they weren’t expecting. It’s the time of year that I am more aware of how good I have it. When I will randomly hand out a $10 or $20 bill to homeless folks I see on my commute every day.
It’s the one time of the year when I just want to give to everyone I see – and make sure that they have enough. That they are warm, fed, and loved.
Why? Because …. it’s the most wonderful time of the year. 🙂 Damn it! 😀
This time next week, I’ll be on my way to the airport. OMG that feels amazing to say. It’s finally here! Rather than worry about possible weather delays – I’m only thinking about this trip as an adventure – whatever happens, I’m going to enjoy it. 🙂
My phone will remain in airplane mode the entire week – so that I can still use it to take photos. I’ll turn on my signal to check in with my kids, but that is it. I’m out. 🙂 I’m really (and perhaps oddly) looking forward to seeing palm trees decorated for the holidays. I’ve never seen it in person before. I’m loving the fact that I’m seeing a few houses with Christmas decorations up already. I immediately squeal like a little girl when I see them. I know – I’m a dork. When I get back – I’ll have to get into the holiday baking, the making of homemade Kahlua – I think I found the perfect containers for this year, all the fun family Christmas traditions that really make it feel like a special holiday. I could care less about the gifts and the commercial materialism. Bring on the fun family experiences! 🙂 I’m definitely ready this year.
I’ve already started washing certain clothes and stacking them up with my suitcase. Picked up all the little travel bottles of stuff I’ll need. I love the anticipation of traveling. The prepping and planning. Putting aside certain things you know you’ll want or need to take with you.
I’ve been careful to give my kids as much attention and love as I can, and will likely heap on a bunch more before I go. I think that’s the only part of this trip I won’t enjoy. Leaving them behind and having to say goodbye for a week. But… then again – I’m so excited to sleep in. To not have to constantly negotiate with a toddler or preteen. YES! 🙂
Hehe. Just wanted to check in. Been busy lately and haven’t had a moment to sit and write. That’s something I look forward to getting in on this trip actually. I’ve been writing in a journal by hand and need to transfer a bunch of it over to this blog. As it is my preference to record it here. Although it’s a little scarier sometimes to post here. Everything you write, which in my case are the things I think and feel, out for the public to read and potentially judge.
I’ve had this blog up since Oct 2013. I can’t imagine not having it now. It’s been a source of comfort, of council, and of release. I’ve read so many stories and moments from other bloggers that inspire me or make me feel less alone. I never expected to love my little online “community” as much as I do. 🙂 To my fellow bloggers – do you feel that way too?
Well – tonight I’m off to a comfy pajama party with another couple. Complete with spiked hot cocoa and movies, leftovers and likely, popcorn. 🙂 Should be a fun, relaxed night. I love those the best. Does that mean I’m getting old? Old woman in her early 30’s … yea right. 🙂