Tag: technology

I don’t think I like parenting teens…

Jen1 Comment

Wow, it’s been a pretty crazy couple of days, and I think at this point, I just need to get some of this out, because churning on it in my head is just making me sick to my stomach.

linus-nauseated

My daughter.  Sigh.  She’s 13 going on fricken 30.  And had you asked me a month ago, I’d have said, “we’ve got this!  She’s my good girl!”  And a month ago, I believed that.

On friday, I got a call from her school.  She took off from school after getting into an argument with some teachers.  They didn’t know where she was.  Thankfully, I was home, and I tracked her down.  Told her to get her butt home and that she was going to lose her phone and computer for this infraction – as it’s happened twice now in two weeks.

 

"Do you come here often?"

My bro was over and he took her computer from her room and collected her phone from her when she came in the door.  I figured – ok we’ll handle this and move on.  But then the bro started peeking into her phone.  I check her email and her facebook every other month or so, but I don’t check her phone.  If only I had.

I won’t go into all the details here – even tho purging it would do me some good.  But let’s just say that I had to call the police and report a grown man for inappropriate conduct with a minor.  My daughter gave out our new home address and explicit instructions on how to get around some of our security to multiple strangers.  She’s been talking about suicide and very graphic, very dark things with a lot of her friends.  Honestly, it felt like I was in the twilight zone.  I had to read it all, had to get all passwords for everything and go through it all.  There were some things in there that I will never get out of my head again.  The joys of loving someone.

twilightzonewormhole-634860

We’re all rallying around her.  She’s got consequences, but more than that, she’s about to find out what it’s like to have full on supervision and structure and therapy.  She’s going to hate it at first, but damn it… I want my little girl to make it in this big bad world.  And at this rate, I’m not so sure she’ll make it another year.

I’m shocked.  Appalled.  Pissed.  Scared.  Hurt.  But more than any of that… because I’m her mom, I feel like I’ve failed her.  I know that, realistically, I haven’t.  And that what we do now, moving forward will be the test on whether I truly succeed or fail in helping her find herself.

The ex is fully involved in all of this, and in some ways, he did make me feel a little better because he was internalizing all of this too – blaming himself.  Did we do this?  Did we not set a good example?  Did we forget to do something to ensure that our children flourished as amazing kids, even through the teen years?  Normally, anyone who meets or interacts with my kids says how awesome they are.  Polite, well mannered, happy, affectionate, strong and opinionated.  These are the adjectives I’m used to hearing.  It was strange and shocking to suddenly hear “Mean girl.”  “Bully.”  “Rude.” from her new teachers.  That’s not my kid!  Did someone hit her with a stupid stick?!

The next few weeks shall be interesting.  My child will be experiencing a luddite life…  no more computers, no more internet, no more phones.  No email, facebook, skype, youtube, whisper, or kik.  I’m also going to look into some youth group programs and volunteer programs for her.  She needs to realize how good she has it and learn to see how dumb these actions have really been.

I went and talked with my dad this morning about it all.  Got some advice.  It’s hard, some of what she’s doing I can relate to, but a lot of it, I can’t.  I know how I tackled depression and self worth issues, but I wasn’t that kind of kid.  I didn’t do drugs and I didn’t experiment with sex until I was 18.  So I’m trying my best to at least try and understand from her perspective…. it’s just hard.  I guess I’m old fashioned.  I just hope my hair doesn’t all go grey from this.  At least when my son finally becomes a teenager, I’ll have some practice and experience under my belt!!

Goodnight neverland.  Much love.

lipstick kiss

Staycation Part 1

JenLeave a comment

It’s Sunday.  The house is quiet.  I am very obviously not on Orcas Island.  And … I’m completely okay with that.  I have no plans for myself for the next couple of days, and I’ve given myself one rule.  Think about (and accomplish) needs/wants only.  No stress or drama, no grumpiness, no pain.  Meaning:  No thoughts about work, no thoughts about moving, no thoughts that bring about sadness or pain.  Or at least try and remember to turn them off when they do occasionally pop up.

Yesterday was lovely.  I met with a friend for coffee, ran a few errands, and then disappeared into a favorite book store.  I filled my arms with books and hunted down a chair.  There was another woman there, and she was doing the same.  Her arms filled with books on dragons.  She had one I’d considered grabbing, as it covered the techniques of painting scales and certain textures.  I commented to her about it as she plopped into the seat next to mine and we ended up chatting about art and comics.  She’s a local artist.  Very nice woman.  We laughed about wanting to have a coloring party and exchanged numbers.  🙂

I talked to my little brother briefly yesterday.  My real brother, not the “bro” I live with. 🙂  He and I are both wanting some sibling time. He’s planning to come stay a night soon so we can stay up too late gabbing and laughing and sharing.  Then have horrible-for-you-but-oh-so-good breakfast diner food the next morning.  I’ve enjoyed watching him get older and become a young adult.  In my case, being significantly older than a sibling is interesting because you love them, and want to share everything you can with them, but know that age and maturity is a factor in understanding the choices that we make as adults or as parents.  So you don’t share everything.  Sometimes you just stay silent and stand back and watch.  I think he’s on the track to being a very cool man.  It will be interesting to see what he grows and becomes.

I came home and painted.  And painted.  And painted.  I had candles.  I had my entire music collection put into one playlist and set to “random”.  I had a glass of amazing red wine.  Ok, over the course of the night I had 2 glasses.  I was trying a new technique I’d found in a book.  I wanted to see if I could accomplish it.  I used a photo as a guide and went about trying to replicate the picture I’d found in the book.  I did it.  It’s not perfect, I somehow messed up half way through and Photoshop put a 30 px outline on all that was laid down.  So I had to go back and repaint a lot of what I’d already done.  I’m still new to painting on the computer.  It’s awkward for me, but I’m dedicated to figuring it out.  Blending just pisses me off on the computer.  You lose the ability to shade with your hands a lot.  But tablets and technology are giving me the opportunity to paint without the mess, in my living room with my feet up, relaxed.  Not hunched over an easel. I knew 3/4 of the way through that I wanted to finish my painting last night, and I knew it would hurt to do so.  My hands were cramping. 🙂 But I was so excited to see what took shape.

Should I show you all?  Please remember, I am not the original artist.  This is NOT my work… I mean – it is … I painted it.  But from a small photo.  I don’t feel right taking credit.  Shoot I feel even worse that I didn’t think to note down the original artist.  Or the book.  Bad Jen.  But here it is all the same.

Image