Tag: step parent

Quiet moments

Jen4 Comments

ImageI had a lovely night last night.  Got home a bit later than normal and spent time with the family.  My son was extra affectionate, giving everyone kisses and hugs every five minutes.  When it was time for him to go to bed, we all went upstairs and gave more hugs.  Every stuffed animal must be given a hug and a kiss, and he has to have 3 hugs and 3 kisses from everyone in the house in order to go to sleep without a fuss.  It’s lovely.  🙂

Once the kids go to bed, my time begins.  It’s the time of day when I can do pretty much whatever I want for 2-3 hours.  Catch up on some house cleaning, read a book, watch a good flick or play a video game.  I’m fiercely protective over this daily unwind time, and when I don’t get it, I find that I get a little on the grumpy side.  So I do what I can to ensure that I have this time.

In the morning, my alarm goes off.  I wake up my daughter by flicking the lights of her room and then am off to go get myself ready to start the day.  My son typically wakes up shortly after, and we all spend the morning getting ready, stopping for hugs often.  There’s happiness and laughter here.  This morning, we went on a monster hunt.  It started as a hunt for my son’s favorite toy, but quickly turned into a game of stomp through the house growling at pretend monsters in the corners of each room. 

It is these moments, these quiet, unassuming moments in my world that I cherish.  That I crave.  I love how affectionate my kids are.  I love watching them learn and grow and explore their world with all the curiosity and enthusiasm they possess.  They are really good kids.  We don’t have a lot of fights or arguments.  Not a lot of talking back – sure, the two year old can rear his impatient side at time, but even he is typically good over the alternative.

When I was 4, my mom met my step dad.  Apparently, on their first date, he came to pick her up and ended up playing barbies jumping off the couch with me all night instead of going out.  My mom has always said that this was how she knew he was a keeper.  He had no qualms with spending time with her and I, rather than just her alone.  My step dad has always been one of my best buddies.  He is the epitome of what I see as behaving like a real man.  He’s a goofball, and has no problem with letting loose and playing, but also has this quiet strong sensibility about him.  Growing up, when my mom and I would argue, he would stay out of it for the most part, only jumping in when he was really needed.  He was always the one who’d talk to me.  My mom would run off crying (she’s VERY good at giving guilt trips) and my step dad would come out and sit and actually talk it through with me.  Hear my side, share mom’s if I wasn’t hearing it, and help the house find it’s calm again.  He’s the man I go to for advice about a whole hell of a lot of things even to this day; and is someone who I respect to the fullest degree. 

While I can truly say I’m not looking to fill the fatherly role for my children (that’s just not something I feel like I can ask for… seems wrong to me) … I can hope that maybe someday, they’ll have a male presence in their life that is like my step dad.  Someone who can be their friend, someone to look up to, someone to quietly guide them by example and show them what a man really looks and acts like.  Someone who’ll love them like my step dad loved me.  Like his own. 

The spirit of christmas

Jen1 Comment

christmas

I’m just not feeling it this year.  I’m trying.  I’m putting in my usual effort – sorta.  Only sorta.  It’s strange.  I’m THE Christmas girl.  I’m competitive with my mom over who’s tree is the prettiest. 🙂  I make gifts of cookies and home made Kahlua and pass them out to friends.  I once was a professional gift wrapper for a year in between jobs and am proud to be able to make some of the coolest looking presents on the planet.  The lady who taught me to make bows was a bow nazi.  Very strict and precise.  I’m grateful to her actually.  My bows will put Martha Stewart’s to shame.  🙂

This year, I didn’t do Kahlua.  I didn’t do cookies.  We didn’t go drive around look at Christmas lights, drinking peppermint cocoa and listening to Christmas tunes.  We didn’t go sit by the bonfire and watch the ships decked out in holiday lights listening to the choir sing, bundled up like that kid in a Christmas Story.  I put my tree up.  It’s lovely this year.  Best yet in fact.  I’ve wrapped most of my gifts, still need to finish up actually.  And everyone is being thoroughly spoiled, which is fantastic.  But that’s it.  No lights on the house.  I am definitely lacking in the Christmas spirit department, and unfortunately, it’s not something I can go pick up at the department store.  I don’t think I’ll find it hidden among the other goodies on aisle 5.

There are many reasons for my lack of spirit this year.  All are valid, and yet, I’m still confused by it.  Christmas is my favorite time of year.  A time when human light conquers dark.  I’m not religious, and I’m not speaking from a religious standpoint.  Some of my family are getting older.  We’ve already had a few ups and downs this year with them.  We’re keeping things low key this year.  And that is perfectly acceptable to me.  I’m feeling low key this year.  I had to buy my own gifts this year.  Honestly, I have every year for quite some time, but always put someone else’s name on the tag.  This year it was different.  Who do I put on the tag?  Myself?  It’s weird buying a gift for yourself.  I only picked up a couple of things, so I’d have something to unwrap while everyone else was digging into their piles.  A box of chocolates, a pair of gloves, and a candle holder that I couldn’t stop eyeing.  I don’t mind not having anything for me, I can buy myself what I want when I need to.  I just don’t want to feel the way I do about it.  Like somehow, others will look down on me, or feel sorry for me.  Look, there’s the fluffy who has no one.  But maybe that’s just what I hear in my own head.

There’s also been the challenge of trying to figure out who goes where and does what this christmas.  Navigating holiday time was already complicated, but now with an ex and a step son that I still have in my life, navigating this one has been tough.  I didn’t know what was appropriate as far as buying gifts for them.  I just went with my gut and then cut it down a little.  😀  Otherwise, knowing me, I’ll have gone overboard.

I was supposed to go see the christmas ships tonight.  The ex and I were going to go and see them, as it’s a tradition.  Just as friends.  But he’s sick, and none of us want to get it.  So I cancelled.  And I’m ok with that too.  I don’t know that I was in the mood to go.  I’m hoping I’ll find some christmas spirit here in the next day or so.  I love the magic that comes with christmas time.  I hope that it will somehow leave an imprint on me.  🙂