Did I tell you?

I’m fairly certain I didn’t!

So, let me preface a couple of things here..

  1.  The story I’m about to tell you is absolutely real.  People in it are real.  Will I name names?  Oh hell no.  🙂  I respect the hell out of those involved far too much.
  2. Why am I making this a list? Ugh – I’ve been working too much…

… Ok I don’t know how you all feel about things like psychics.  And I’m not wanting to start that sort of debate or drama here.  You believe what you believe – please know that there are absolutely no judgements from me.  What do I believe?  Honestly?  I don’t know.  I’m a very logical person.  I like to think of myself as being highly intelligent.  And to me – most “psychics” I’ve had exposure to simply add to the laughable portrayals typically stereotyped as psychics.  BUT.. I have also experienced things that do leave me questioning about spirits and god and things that science just cannot explain.

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A couple of years ago, a dear friend of mine admitted to me that she is a psychic, and I won’t lie, at first, in my head, I thought “yea, sure.”  But over the years, I’ve seen how she looks at life and others.  She’s never tuned that skill on me – or if she has – she’s always stayed silent on it.  And I appreciate it.  She is someone I love and trust quite dearly.  She changed my thoughts a lot on psychics.  I think, before knowing my friend and learning from her, I thought that psychics were the people who were trying to pull a fast one.  A deceiver.

Where am I going with this you’re wondering?

So recently – I had a psychic tell me they had connected with someone who’d crossed over that I loved.  They knew things they should not have known.  Things they could not have known.  The last thing they said… “Mommy, I’m waiting.” Gave me chills.  Hell – I think I had to go smoke a cigarette after hearing that.  I got mad.  Who the fuck are you?  How do you know about him?  Fuck off!

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Then I got upset… Holy shit – what if Ben really is here with me somehow?  Ben?  Start the waterworks.

The psychic said I didn’t talk to him anymore.  It’s true.  I used to talk to Ben all the time.  In the car on my way home, in the morning when I woke up, when I go to sleep.  It felt normal and natural and ok to do.  It wasn’t long conversations or anything – it was something as small as a “morning Ben!” to something like “Ben – I need advice”- and then lay out a problem I was having at work or with family.  But lately, I’ve stopped.  In fact, it’s been roughly 3 years since I’ve spoken to Ben.  How on earth could this person have known that?!

The logical side of my brain has come up with every reason on the planet that they could have deduced this… somehow.  But it seems highly unlikely that this person stalked me in the privacy of my bedroom over the last 6 years.  And believe me when I say, talking to my dead son is not something I bring up in conversation with people.  It’s not like I’d just say – “Oh hey so I was talking to my dead son last night…” people would look at me like I was crazy.

I’d love all your thoughts here.  I don’t typically believe in this kind of stuff.  But … what if?  What do you believe about where we go when we die?  Are there ghosts and spirits walking around with us – shouting at us to hear them?  Or .. when we die, is that it?  Gone.  Never to be seen or heard from ever again?

Goodnight for real this time Never-land.  I wrote 2 posts this evening simply because I’ve been meaning to write this and knew I’d forget or run out of time this week.  Hope you are all well.

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I feel moved…

I watched a couple of movies today. I debated whether I wanted to write this post in this manner or in another fashion altogether. But I’m going with it. The first movie was the Internship. Hilarious. I laughed, and cheered and swore at the TV and then cheered some more. Yea yea, I’m a dork, I know. The second movie I watched has left an imprint. I almost need to watch it again just to get it all. The movie was called “Her”. It explores what it is to have a connection with “someone”. In this case, not even a human, but a computer. It explores what love is. It explores the human psyche, divorce, a lot of different things. It showed the parts of life and love and finding of yourself that are truly beautiful and inspiring.  It shows what it’s like to have the fear of being inadequate.  Of being an introvert.  I’d say that anyone who’s experienced a long distance relationship would relate to this movie as well. I found myself jotting down things that I found particularly moving or thought provoking, along with what must have been about 50 ideas around technology inventions. Oh the R&D team are going to either love or hate me at work. hehe.

“A heart is not a box that can be filled up. It is ever expanding.”

How true this is. And yet, so easy to forget and lose sight of. There is no concept of a heart being Full. It also means that a heart is never really empty. It is infinite. How amazing is that?! A human’s ability to feel and love is something that is truly infinite. Which means that even the coldest, most cut off hearts aren’t truly lost.

There was a scene, where he reminisced of happy times. With the wife he was divorcing. He shared his fear. Fear that maybe somehow any memories or emotions that he feels moving forward will somehow be diminished because he’d already experienced them before. It’s a fear I’ve experienced in my past. And while I know it to be not how life works – of course you’ll experience joy and happiness again… I also know in some ways it’s not totally off the mark. Your first love is likely to be remembered as something a little extra special – because it was your first.

I’m in the absolute throws of fighting a pretty mean infection – thankfully the doctor prescribed some strong antibiotics and this ear infection will be gone in no time. But I’ve spent much of the weekend fighting chills and cold sweats. I had enough of being in bed. Went and had breakfast with a girlfriend today. Was so much fun. In all the fun, we also went and had our cards read. Don’t laugh. Don’t do it. 🙂 I’m not one of THOSE people. You know – the strange nagchampa smelling, sandal wearing HIPPY people. 🙂 Nothing against them either mind you. I don’t do those things very often. I find them fascinating. I have met a few tarot card readers who are … uncanny in their accuracy. It means I respect them and their trade. Doesn’t mean others have to agree or participate – to each their own. Ok – so in my reading today, I was truly quite surprised at what came up. I never say anything. I sit and shuffle and let the person do their thing. The woman I see, her name is Raven. She’s this big beautiful african american woman. She sings soul in a jazz band as well as does tarot readings at a pagan bookstore in downtown seattle. She has a beautiful, loud belly laugh. She’s the type of person I could sit and have conversations about life with and settle in on some good food with some good music. I see her once every couple of years.

“You’ve gone through a lot of change for the positive in the last year.” – yea ok that’s kind of a duh
“You’ve recently quit online dating.” Yup.
“You worry too much about what other people think, or how others feel and are far too often a doormat for the sake of being kind” Wow thanks Raven – way to put that out there. Damn if she’s not right tho.
“Relationships and emotions are on your mind a lot” Hmm, I hate that she’s right on this one.
“you’re in a good place. Centered. Where spirit and body and mind all connect.” Yep – this is true too. I feel quite in tune with myself lately.

There was a lot more – a few things out in left field that had me surprised and off hunting for information on. But I left feeling recharged. I am on a good path. I believe in the joys of the world that surrounds me and am continually surprised and delighted by the beauty that it holds. I don’t hold as much fear about losing that joy anymore. Life is short. I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy the joy I find and have while I can. Dream big. Fly high. Learn. Laugh. Live. Grow. And be ME. 🙂

Goodnight. Love to you all.