Tag: planning

There’s a lot on my mind tonight

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So I will apologize right now if I am a little all over the place.  It’s been a lovely weekend overall.  One full of friends and lively conversation, good food and even dancing! 🙂

One of my best female friends, J, planned a party.  A formal black and red party at a local beerhall.  The rules – must wear formal attire – in black or red, and no drama or attitudes from anyone in attendance.  🙂  So I dragged my other girl (R) out.  It was nice to get all gussied up and go out.  It’s something I don’t do very often, although I have a feeling that will change now that J has successfully managed to get me to attend.  🙂 Here’s pics of R and J and myself that night.  🙂  R and I had a blast, 2 single ladies without a care in the world.  We ate oysters and mussels and just enjoyed being out.

It was good for me to attend.  I’m still coming back out of my shell.  And truthfully, this time of year, I don’t usually come out of my shell much at all.  But Saturday was fun and gave me a much needed boost of energy, I danced and sang and made some new friends and caught up with some old friends.  Tonight, I spent the evening with my daughter cooking good food and watching a movie she picked out before my son came home from his dads house.

Ben has been on my brain this week.  Actually – there’s a lot that’s been on my brain this week.  Things that have been rattling around in there range from Ben and his birthday anniversary that is coming up, to love and relationships, friendships, and just life in general.  Had someone told me 10 years ago, that this is where I’d be… I would have never believed it.  Any change or turn along my path, and things would be different.  I wouldn’t trade it, I know that things happen for a reason.  I’m ok with it… well – ok that’s not quite the right way to word it either – I accept it.  That’s enough.  Every year – around this time, I make a pact to myself – that I will not make any major decisions (if I can help it), in the months of Oct – Dec.  Grief is a funny thing – and I’ve learned my lesson in this respect.  In most cases – I can hold off until the new year on most things.  Patience is something I’ve learned to channel at this time of year.  I  miss my son.  Weird to miss some one that you only had for a short while.  And even tho it’s certainly been long enough – I still think on him and wonder.

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I gave R some advice this weekend.  She was wrestling with her feelings about a man.  She knew she was falling in love, but didn’t want to be the first person to say it.  She’s loved him for a very long time.  I told her something my Nana told me when I was young.  If you feel love – you should speak it.  It cannot be held for very long on the tongue.  And if you express it… you have a better chance of working past that strange anxious feeling that you get before you’ve said it to someone for the first time- because if it is returned, then something new can grow and blossom.  And if the love is not returned, then now you know and can move forward and move on.    It’s funny – as a teenager or even in my twenties… I didn’t put much stock in Nana’s advice… but looking back now – I couldn’t agree with her more.   I’ve always said I don’t say I love you to hear it back… I say it to make sure they know.  That’s enough.

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I’m going to start planning my next vacation.  I will probably go in April 2017 time frame.  I’d like to disappear for a week.  I haven’t decided yet where I want to go.  I have an idea of who all I’d like to invite to join me, but we’ll see if they have the desire to vacation with me.  🙂  I want to explore and get away.  Travel has most certainly had an enormous impact in my life, and I look forward to being able to continue to experience it.  I think my next trip will likely be a cruise, as it’s something I have not done yet.  My instinct says I won’t like it as much as I enjoy traveling as a local – but I want to experience it regardless.  It’s something Nana and Granddad would do when I was younger.  I remember them telling me stories and showing me pictures from all their many excursions.  Or try on the jewelry that was often purchased on these trips.  I’d picture the ports and destinations, the food and the events that were often a part of their stories.  My grandparents truly led amazing lives.  🙂

Can’t travel without a job.  I’m trying to not count my chickens – but I am hoping to hear good news on the job front this week.  Fingers crossed that I’ll have news either way by Wednesday!  🙂

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At the end of the day – I got some news from my mom, that my grandparents aren’t doing very well health-wise.  It has me a bit worried and anxious.  I know as they continue to get older and older that at some point, I will have to say my good byes to them.  But they are mine damn it!  Haha.  But in all seriousness, I’m not ready to even think about losing them.  It makes me sad to think about. Hopefully, things will be just fine and I’ll be allowed to put my head back in the sand on this particular subject.  At least for now.

Well – it’s time to get some sleep.  Goodnight Neverland.  Much love to you!!

Planning another trip..

Jen1 Comment

Lonely girl with suitcase at country road dreaming about travel.

It’s been on my mind for a couple of months… when am I going to take another trip and where will I go this time?  Because of buying the house, taking an extended vacation is really just not in the cards this year.  Which is why I’ve settled on next april.  For my birthday, I am going to plan something.  2 weeks off of work if I can somehow swing it.  An international destination of some sort.  The ability to unwind, recharge and just reset myself.

I get antsy and itchy when I don’t get a break.  I never knew this about myself.  It’s only been in the last 4 years or so that I’ve figured that out.  It’s this tension that builds in me and I just have to escape… from work, from friends, from everything for a few days.  Longer if I can swing it.  I’ve learned that if I plan something once a year, or once every other year, I don’t get so antsy and anxious or pent up.

So …. thinking through where I’m at, where I’ve been and what my budget will likely be… I’ve got a few ideas percolating.  They are as follows (and not in any particular order):

  • Ireland/Scotland/UK – go back and visit family and explore 🙂
  • Thailand
  • Fiji – because YES please!!
  • Japan or China
  • Mexico – simply because I’ve never been
  • Alaska – also because I’ve never been

So … out of those options… which would you lean towards and why?  🙂

So stiff, I must be getting old…

Jen1 Comment

 me2

I had an amazing weekend.  Truly.  Friday night was spent full of laughter with some of my favorite ladies.  I went and relaxed on R’s couch while she primped and prepped so we could go out.  The plan was to go Karaoke, but it turned out there was a game on that was pushing back the time for singing and wailing.  🙂  My other friend J and one of her girlfriends met us at the bar and we had a fine time dishing about guys and love and life.  So much laughter, my abs hurt.  🙂  Then I felt a tickle on the back of my neck and turned to discover T had come to hang as well.  Such a surprise! 🙂  It was a lovely reminder of just how blessed I am with the amazing people in my life.

Saturday morning, I woke up, said a quick hello and goodbye to the bro and headed back to R’s for a day of relaxing, watching sci-fi, eating dick’s burgers (famous OLD hamburger joint round here) and more girl chat.  She let me in this weekend.  Shared her story.  The great loves, the losses, the joys and pains.  I, in turn, shared a little more of mine.  Talked about my mini-me and her father.  She understands now why I allowed the ex to adopt the mini-me.  It was the only way to make sure she’d be safe from her father.  And when he allowed it – I jumped at the chance.  Over the years, that man cost me close to $50,000 in legal fees and lawyers, all of it to try and protect her and I.  Heck maybe more.  I hung at her place until later in the evening and then T took me to a park to picnic overlooking the city lights with a pizza.  Other than the mosquitos that were out, the views were stunning. 

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Sunday, I helped T in his yard.  Pushed myself pretty hard.  I was NOT going to let my stupid heart get the better of me, had to take a few more breaks, hose myself down at one point with the hose because I was getting massively overheated, oh I’m sure it was quite a sight to see me pushing his lawn mower around swearing at the lawn and the mower equally as I’d get stuck in a divit and have to push with all my might to get it to move forward. hehe.  🙂  I started to get down on myself at one point – frustrated that the mind wants to take on work that my body just can’t necessarily do or keep up with… but I pushed on – the stubborn little aries always wins! 🙂 I felt really good about it when I was done tho, and he enjoyed the company while he was getting the work done.  I don’t think he’s used to it.  His roomie doesn’t seem to enjoy the outdoors or helping in the yard.  We were beyond filthy when we were done for the day and went swimming afterwards to both cool off and clean up a bit.  Then grubbed on a guilty pleasure – Mexican food. 🙂  Let me just say tho, today… I HURT!!  Sooo stiff I an barely move.  Does that mean I’m getting old?  OWWWW!!!!

I had my annual review today.  I was pleasantly surprised by some of the feedback and encouragement I got today.  Earned myself a nice pay increase, plus a decent sized bonus both cash and stock.  If only I wasn’t being garnished.  The tax man already takes a hefty chunk out of it, my garnishment will take more.  I hope to be left with enough to contribute to my vacation, and pay for some lawyer time to deal with the ex.  Would be nice if I could use it for other things as well, but I have a feeling that the cash I get won’t be much after all of that.  Ah well.  C’est la vie. 

I did some watching of video blogs tonight for people who visited st. Thomas.  It is absolutely gorgeous there.  I can’t quite get over the beaches that are soo white and the water is so clear.  The only thing that kind of made me nervous was the amount of crowds I saw.  Granted, I’m going during hurricane season, so maybe there won’t be as many people present.  Fingers crossed.  I’m really starting to get excited.  80 days to go (2 months, 19 days).  Wooo Hooo!!

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Goodnight neverland.  Much love.  XXO!

It’s not procrastination, it’s the perspective.

Jen1 Comment

procrastinate

I am a Procrastinator.  It’s a word I’d use to describe myself often.  I am a slave to my calendar and schedule.  And I’ll admit that it has helped me move forward in leaps and bounds when it comes to some aspects of my life.  I was being hard on myself earlier…thinking about the weekend and how little I felt I’d accomplished off my “To-Do” list in my head.  But then I started to think about what I DID do this weekend.  Maybe I’ve been looking at it in the wrong perspective. 

1.  Finished most of the house and my personal laundry washed, folded and put away. 
2.  Prepped all of the mini-me’s school registration paperwork and things she’d need for sign up.
3. Went for a walk with my 3 year old son
4. Finished the last episodes from a great show series and then managed to even watch the movie that followed.
5. Went and had an amazing pancake breakfast this morning. My son enjoyed the blueberry pancakes and bacon and grapes from my plate.  🙂  Was nice that he behaved well in the restaurant today.
6. Enjoyed a snuggly sunday morning.
7. Enjoyed bath time with the son twice – although I swear he gets me wetter than him sometimes. 🙂
8. I baked cookies, and tried out a funky chipotle ancho chili chicken recipe
9. I mopped and swept the kitchen floor and downstairs hall areas
10. I sorted through a couple of bags and boxes in my office
11.  I read a couple of books to the little man, played tons of dinosaurs and cars and merrily chased each other through the house on multiple occasions throughout the weekend.
12.  I wrote in my blog and got a little more done on the piece of art I’m working on.
13. I booked the flights for my vacation in November.  Can I just say, sooo excited for this.  I can’t believe it.  I don’t know how I’ve pulled it off, but it really looks like I’m going to get a good vacation.  To turn a negative time of year into such an incredible positive.  To get to unwind and get away from all the pressures of work and kids for a week.  BLISS!!
14.  Got all my grocery shopping for the next couple of weeks completed.
15.  Helped the mini-me look at planning her cosplay outfit.
16. Had a long chat with the bro.

When I really start to list out all that I did do this weekend.  Yea, ok, so I didn’t get to run the vacuum a I’d planned.  And I didn’t get to the oil change I need to do.  I had high expectations of myself, but what I did have was just as valuable.  I had some wonderful experiences with my family and loved ones. Perhaps it’s time to admit that sometimes, we get so focused on the doing, that we forget to look at the living.  I have to remind myself that yes, I’ve got to work on all those things on my to-do list, but at the same time, I also need to work on me.  And the only way to work on me, is to find the time to do the things that make me and those I love happy.

I look at that list and suddenly don’t feel like a procrastinator anymore.

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