A full day…

Today was a full day… in so many interesting ways. I am a human who likes to believe that she studies human behavior. It fascinates me – on every level. Both, my own and other people. And today I got to observe it in so many different forms.

A dear friend, new to me, hurting… and all I wanted to do was wrap my energy around them and show them that they were safe and that at least for a moment, I could keep a protective bubble there and hold it for as long as they need. But how do you even say that without sounding like a total weirdo? Instead – you show it. You make them feel it, in the best way that you can.

Then a room full of angsty people – the HOA board. LOL. I’m their new note taker. And let me tell you – I wish I had popcorn!! But ultimately – most of the people in the room were lovely folks who are all worrying about their own day to day lives. All of them trying to figure out their own trajectory and how to maintain a life out here as we navigate living lives off-grid here in Aeneas Valley.

Later, as I waited for my son to get back from a trail ride with a larger group on ATVs and Dirt bikes and such … I sat on a bench and watched a scene that left me with a smile on my face. There was soft music on the air – guitar – calm & soothing in tones and rhythm. Younger children ran through the grass with popsicles dripping down their chins. Long juicy drips of red and orange running down fingertips all the way back to the elbows and bare feet. The best signs of summer. The sounds of giggles and children at play.

Later the smell of grilled hamburgers tickled my nose – teasing me with thoughts of summer barbeque – and hoping I could find a way to make a lettuce bun – which – I did. 🙂 I volunteered to chop lettuce and tomato and onions – so I made sure to make it happen in a way that burger tacos could be a thing. 😀 Score!

Chickens, ducks and guinea fowl entertained us with background sights and sounds while everyone mingled and reflected back on the fun they’d had during the day. Full bellies, laughter, music…. on a beautiful early summer evening. What more could we ask for?

My energy dipped tho very suddenly and I hit a wall. We thanked the hosts and did our best to dip out. I hate that part really. How do you leave a party gracefully when no one else is leaving just yet? I would hate to come across as rude. Especially out here. It’s funny – out here – manners almost seem more important than ever before – but maybe that’s just me. It’s the energies I pick up on people when they feel slighted by bad manners – makes me want to make sure never to do that to someone myself. Silly quest to be on really. But we all have our little quirks. 😀

And now… i’m vegging out… feet up.. kitty in lap with a pup snuggled near me. Life is pretty good and I’m feeling pretty dang blessed.

Goodnight Neverland.

The end of an emotional weekend

What a weekend I had.  My daughter had a friend over for a sleepover, and while I will not divulge details about this girl, I will share that her mom, a dear friend of mine, passed away a couple years ago.  It was… absolutely heart breaking then, and shook me to my core.  I still think about her every single day. And it’s been a long time since we’ve spent time with that family. So this weekend has certainly left me feeling emotional…  And protective over children, in general.

Last night, she asked if we could take a moment and do a group snuggle – because she didn’t get that much at home these days.  My heart broke as I snuggled both girls for a while.  I stayed up way too late, snuggling and chatting with them.  Caught up on how her life had been since we’d last seen each other.  And it shook me all over again.  I tucked them in and stayed up tossing and turning over it all.  This morning, I took them out for breakfast.  Waffles with cotton candy on top – because .. that’s why.  Just because.

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Because maybe, a little extra sweetness, be it a snuggle, a kind word, a funny story, or even cotton candy on top of a rainbow waffle … with sprinkles…. will somehow put a smile on a kid’s face.  And if that happens… maybe she’ll be able to survive this horrendous childhood that she has had.  Yea – I know it’s a stretch.  But damn it… what else can I possibly do?! She now has a standing invite to come over regularly, as well as halloween and any other time she needs a snuggle… but even I know … It’s not enough.

It’s interesting how small your own problems can become in moments like these.  I’ve cried a lot this weekend… cried for her, cried for mother, cried for the unfairness of it all, cried out of gratefulness for my own children… ugh.  I’m done crying, and tomorrow, my still partially sick butt has to get up and go to work and get my head in the game.

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It’s funny, this isn’t how I’d imagined my weekend turning out – but I wouldn’t trade it.  Maybe I needed a reminder … that my problems and stress are small in comparison to what they could be.  That I have it so much better than some, and have given my children a world that is healthy and positive and full of laughter and snuggles and love.  I have to remind myself that I cannot hug everyone.  I can’t heal everyone.  That I have to be content with helping those that I can… and not get hung up on those whom I couldn’t.

Goodnight Neverland.  I wish you all the best.

Much love,

Jen

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