Can I just say… home ownership can sometimes be so much more complicated than renting!  And today – I had a moment where I tripped up and fell flat on my face.  I’m not proud of it.  But there it is.  I think I have it sorted…  but oddly, even if I don’t and it takes a few more days of this odd adventure of having no gas in the house … we’ll be just fine.  The kids are having a blast.  We’re sort of camping in our own home.  Why? Because mom juggles too much in her brain and sometimes fails to do the simplest thing like opening mail in a timely fashion.  It’s horrible.  I’ll flat out admit to a certain degree of “basketcase-ness”.  But in all honesty… I’m frustrated with myself, and embarrassed.  I’d expect this behavior from a 20 year old… not a 35 year old woman with 2 kids.  My own expectations of myself are the greatest punishment I could have in this instance, I suppose, because I can be pretty good at beating myself up when I mess up.

I took today to show the kids that this is what happens when you don’t budget.  I let my teenager participate a little in preparing my taxes and getting some things sorted that I’ve been putting off.  Turned it into a lesson for them, but at the same time, it’s a lesson for me too.  Need to prioritize my time a little differently.  It’s cool – I’ll get there… Eventually.  Hehe.  The kids and I have snuggled and enjoyed the day just hanging out while my son recovers from an ear infection.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy the candle light, the soft music, a blanket fort and some camping food for a day or two. 🙂

It’s these types of things in life that keeps us humble.  Keeps us in check.  How we handle our own silly, stupid flub ups.  How we pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps when needed, or how we just learn to accept what is going on and just own it.  It’s something that has rarely been a place where I falter.  I’m stubborn like that.  Willing to keep trying at every million angles until I get it right.  🙂

I may get out my art tablet and do some painting tonight… I’m in a mood… it’s not a bad one by any means.  I think it’s that contemplative, passionate, mood that comes to me when I need to just unleash what’s in my head with some creativity.  It’s interesting, when I start a creative project – whether it’s painting, photography or design – I lose all track of time.  I’ll even ignore alarms.  It becomes it’s own little world for me. A place where I can express myself, or show a product or the world through my eyes.

Photography was where I started.  I took every photography class they offered in High School.  My last year, my teacher had to create a new class just for me because I’d taken all they had.  He believed in me and encouraged me to explore things in different ways.  He entered a photo of mine into a contest without telling me.  I didn’t see my own talent.  I won.  It was awesome.  From there, it was design and computer/digital art.  I became an information sponge and would invest 2 hours, sometimes more, every day to learn all I could.  A friend encouraged me to take an art class at a local community college with her.  So I signed up.  I felt so out of place standing with charcoal in my hand at a large easel.  I kept thinking to myself – “What am I DOING here?! I’m not an artist!!”  But I was.  I am.  I surprised myself with an A in that class and even have a few pieces I held onto I’d still like to frame and put somewhere.

I have a massive creative streak.  My head is always in the clouds dreaming up stuff.  Did you ever see the movie Flubber?  I can relate to Robin William’s character in that movie to some degree.  I’m not NEARLY as bad as he was – but I’m not THAT far off either.  I like to say it’s just the quirky side of being so creative.  Yea – that’s it.  Quirky!  Eccentric? Crazy? LOL.  Hmm.