Once I’m human again… an ode to fall.

It’s easy to stumble upon moments of self doubt when you’re sick and you’re single.  For it is when you’re sick, that you’re often feeling at your lowest, easily susceptible to feeling the true weight of being alone.  What’s interesting to me is that I’m content 95 percent of the time with being alone.  EXCEPT… when I’m sick.  Then I just want company.  Companionship to watch the movie SpaceBalls with, and to fight over kleenex and who gets the last orange juice!

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So I just embraced those moments and spent time with myself.  I’ve binge watched a bunch of movies that I haven’t seen in a very long time, ingested as much liquid vitamin C that I could possibly stand, slept when I needed to sleep, as well as lit candles and watched (from inside) the season take over the yard… the leaves changing color, a small nip in the air.

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It’s lovely.  It’s also unfortunate that I’m sick – as this is one of my favorite times of the year.  I get to wear boots!  I get to wear scarves!  And although I don’t do pumpkin spice – I find those that do adorable in their charming predictability.  Fall is finally here in Seattle, and I’m thrilled!  I can’t wait to get out into it and catch up on work and life and the world!

Until then… I think I’ll make a cup of tea and hope that this miserable plague finally goes away enough for me to re-join the human race.  Once I’m human again.

And on that note… I thought I’d share some funny meme’s about being sick.  🙂  Enjoy!

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What is beauty really?

It’s dark. I’m at the park.  The sun will be popping its head over the hills within the next 30 minutes or so.  Puget Sound stretches in front of me.  The lights of a boat quietly makes its way along the shore; I think it’s a tug, but it is still too dark to properly see.

A small factory is nearby and I get caught up watching the steam billow from the single chimney  I sip from the coffee I brought with me.  I have music playing from my phone – a song that I seem to play a lot lately.  And I mean… A. LOT.

Scars to your beautiful

She just wants to be beautiful
She goes unnoticed, she knows no limits
She craves attention, she praises an image
She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh, she don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away
‘Cause cover girls don’t cry after their face is made

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

She has dreams to be an envy, so she’s starving
You know, cover girls eat nothing
She says beauty is pain and there’s beauty in everything
What’s a little bit of hunger?
I could go a little while longer, she fades away
She don’t see her perfect, she don’t understand she’s worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface
So to all the girls that’s hurting
Let me be your mirror, help you see a little bit clearer
The light that shines within

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

These lyrics, the words bounce around in my head.  I suppose they strike a chord.


Beauty is something so fleeting… so changeable, and yet so many of us strive to embody it. But what is it really?

We have this image in our heads and hearts of what the perfect version of ourselves would look like, and yet…

In nature – it is often the unique…


the renegade…


the inner play of co-existing dualities that are some of the most beautiful.


Beauty can be simple and can be complex.


For too many years now, I have looked at myself as not beautiful. I’d turn such critical eye to my perceived faults instead of celebrating that which makes me beautiful and unique.

Enough is enough.  Maybe it’s the state that the world is in lately, maybe it’s just a strange burst of frustration mixed with heartbreak and hope … but damn!  If I can’t love myself, how can I possibly expect the people in the world around me to spread love? Enough with the hate.  Enough with the judgements.  Today… I celebrate myself.  Today – I will celebrate you, your neighbor, your mother, your friend.  For today – and every day to come, I will find a reason to spread a smile, and lift someone else up.  The world must change. Let’s put away our walls.  Love yourself, and love others.

Thanks for sharing a moment with me.  Off to work now!  Much Love!

It’s summer time in Seattle…

It’s warm.  There are few clouds in the sky… and the few that are seem to take the shape of dragons and fish and bears with ice cream cones.  The kids and I were laying in the backyard cloud watching earlier.  I love doing that.  I got off early today.  I will likely get the opportunity to do that all this week and I’m loving it.  I went in to set up the new office studio.  I was finally given permission to hire a team at work, and I’ve chosen two people who have worked for me in the past that I enjoy tremendously.  Oh the trouble we are likely to cause. 

I’ve got to take my fridge in, set up the bar.  They’ve already given me their requests as far as the booze to keep in stock.  Funny…because really, I’m not much of a drinker.  I’m kind of a light weight at times.  BUT – that said – I do like a good tequila and I do like white Russians…so I’ll keep some of those ingredients on hand for the random 4 o’clock drink that I know we’re all likely to have on those tougher days.  The new office space was pretty dismal when I first walked into it this morning.  But I quickly got to work, turned on some tunes, started re-arranging office furniture and putting up pictures and posters and toys.  I got a few people nervous when I started climbing up on desks in order to reach the ceiling – I’m not known for my gracefulness – I’m a down right klutz. 

The studio isn’t finished yet, but it’s a lot better now with color and silliness on the walls.  My bitch be good stick is hanging right next to the sign that says to come to the darkside, we have cookies.  There is a yoda poster, a monty python silly walk poster, a despicable me minion poster.  Some art, some comic pages that I find particularly well done, and toys.  The toys make me laugh.  I’m not a collector of things.  Never really have been.  My house doesn’t have a lot of knick knacks.  But my office?  I think the people I work with get my sense of humor…and then bestow odd gifts to me because of it.  I have a weird coconut voodoo doll, some zombie apocalypse nerf gear, a fake Oscar award that a team gave me to me for being an awesome boss, there’s a wind up bunny that hops, a giant black pirate rubber duck.  Pieces from a homemade mini golf course my team and I built a few years back that I couldn’t part with.  An android doll – which I’ll admit, I don’t necessarily feel comfortable with having on display now that I’m back at the borg.  There’s a microphone statue – because a coworker knows I used to be a singer and wanted to do it professionally.  My nerf gun collection along with my box of ammo – although now I cant use most of them because as I’ve left teams over the years, people have written their names and goodbye messages on a nerf dart and that seems to be all that’s left in my box.  Will need to remedy that.  Geez the amount of nerf gun ammunition I have purchased over the years – I should really get stock in Nerf.  My tape dispenser is a little man sitting on a toilet…under his butt is my paperclips.  I want a zombie statue.  I have some interesting lamps because I hate florescent overhead lighting.  I’d love some cool funky speakers.  I also have a massive bean bag chair – but I have no idea where to put it, the new studio space isn’t big enough for it.  Maybe I’ll take over a small space near the kitchen for it – see if anyone complains.  🙂 My office has always been the place people say is the fun zone.  It used to be worse – I used to have massive amounts of legos and silly putty…but I haven’t set that up since before I went and worked at the telecom.  Might consider doing that again, we’ll see.

Came home, took a 20 minute nap and then got into an epic water fight with the kids and the bro and his girlfriend.  It started out innocent enough.  Cheap squirt guns I bought last weekend at the drug store.  It escalated to the bucket my son likes to use for sand castles.  And then the bro disappeared into the house with an evil grin and came out with my canning pot.  That pot easily holds several gallons of water.  The backyard quickly erupted into screams and hysterical laughter.  My son was so cute, running around with a bucket, taking aim, throwing it with all his might and missing – then laughing and saying “GOT YOU!”.  Ahh to be 3.  Good times.  Now the kids are eating dinner and the house has quieted down a bit. 

I’m tempted to do some painting tonight.  I’m working on a painting for T.  He knows I’m working on it, so it’s not exactly a surprise – although the content and subject of the painting is.  I’m nervous to give it to him.  I really hope he’ll like it.  Painting and art is very personal – both for the artist and the people who enjoy it.  I’ve never painted a painting for someone in particular before.  I’ve always just painted for me and if someone liked it – awesome.  I guess we’ll see.

I’m down another 9 lbs this week.  I’m surprised by it actually because I haven’t been doing my swimming routine like I should.  BUT seeing those pounds disappear is just another reason to stay motivated and keep going.  🙂 

Alright, the mini-me and I have a date tonight.  🙂  We’re going to eat cupcakes and watch another installment of Jericho.  🙂 She’s obsessed.  HAS to know what’s going to happen next.  hehe.  She’s excited because she’s going to come to work with me tomorrow.  I’ve never let her come with me before – I have no idea what she has in her head that it’s like.  I’m sure she has visions of nerf battles and lego building and quite frankly I hate to disappoint her.  Yes, mom has fun at the office, but mom also does do actual WORK.  🙂  Shock and awe, I know.  We’ll go out for lunch together and I’ll let her try and beat me at ping pong or foosball.  I’m sure she’ll love that.

Hope you all are well.  Goodnight Neverland!  XXO!