Tag: romance

And that’s when it hit me…

JenLeave a comment

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Work, kids, gardening, cooking, pets, house, art and movies.  That is how I’ve spent my time in the last few weeks, peppered with a few random things like kayaking or the occasional shopping.  Truthfully – I don’t watch a lot of TV in general.  I spend so much time in front of a screen with work, that the idea of sitting in front of one at home doesn’t hold a lot of appeal.  But once or twice a week, I’ll put on a movie and put my feet up and watch.

Last night, I was paging through my movie collection trying to decide what to watch.  I’ve been slowly catching up on some newer movies my brother brought me, as well as re-watching old classic favorites.  But in the last few weeks, I’ve picked up on a pattern, and it makes me laugh.

And that’s when it hit me… Apparently… I’m a total and complete 100%-romantic sap.

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In person, and to my friends, they’d probably say “Jen?” Ha!  I won’t admit that I’m a sap.  Why would I?!  I would adamantly proclaim that I’m a realist.  That the idea of true love and all that mushy gushy stuff is lovely – but unrealistic.  But then you look at the movies I’ve curled up to enjoy recently, sighing longingly over the happy endings or teary-eyed over the sad ones and I have no choice but to call myself on my own bullshit.  🙂

My daughter likes to giggle at me when I yell at the TV (please note, I ONLY do this when watching movies alone at home) – “Just KISS her already!!”  I do it with scary movies too “Don’t run UPSTAIRS you idiot!!” and things like “Oh crap – well you KNOW he’s dead soon!”.  I realize that the characters can’t actually hear me… and yet I do this.  A lot.  🙂 I tell her that it’s my job as her mother to give her things to talk to her therapist about – this can be one of them.  Why her mom feels the need to yell at imaginary characters through the TV screen.

I think it’s because I’m a visual person.  I get caught up in a story – as if I am actually there.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a book I’m reading, a piece of artwork I’m working on, a movie I am watching or even a daydream I’m having.  Apparently, my imagination is a fine tuned machine.  🙂  I suppose it makes sense, it would explain why I love my job as much as I do – because I get to use that imagination every single day.  🙂  At least this way, I get paid to do it.

Who would have thought that my mom was wrong.  As a kid – she’d tell me to get my head out of the clouds.  Guess in my case, it’s better to stay in them.  🙂

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Happy Thursday Neverland.

Just a quick post before bed

JenLeave a comment

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It turned out to be a good week at work, and it ended on a high note with a great weekend.  I spent time with the kiddos, got caught up on a few chores, and generally just enjoyed some time at home.

Tomorrow, a new week will start.  I’m excited for it, as I made some interesting progress last week that should carry forward into these next few and the progress has me anticipating what will come around the bend.

I have my counselor appointment tomorrow.  I’m starting to see “progress”.  I put that in quotes because I don’t know that it’s progress as in moving forward just yet.  It’s more of about coming to an understanding of why I am the way I am, how I work, and what the patterns are for my behavior.  Honestly, it’s been kind of fascinating so far.  It’s also been incredibly difficult.  I didn’t expect to have to open up old wounds.  Not sure why I didn’t.  I think I thought – “Hey, I’m in a crisis mode right now, let’s Band-Aid it and move on…”  But no, it doesn’t work like that.

I read through some old journals this past week.  It was incredibly eye opening, and made me feel good about how far I’ve come.  How much I’ve changed and grown.  I’m definitely not that girl anymore, at least not in big ways.  There are still themes that come up tho.  I’m still incredibly hard on myself.  I’m still a total romantic sap who secretly pines for love notes and music and candle light. I’m still a dreamer and a lover. I crave blanket fort filled rainy days and random dances in the middle of the street.  And I need reassurance and praise when I do well or make someone happy.  In my past, I was never good at communicating those needs.  I’m not even sure I knew they were “needs”.  But I’ve worked hard on making sure I communicate better.  It’s a learning process. 🙂

I don’t fight anymore – A. Because I don’t have anyone that I need to fight with and B. What purpose does fighting serve?  Yelling … I’m sorry but I’ve certainly had my fill of it in the last 12 years.  I don’t need any more of it.  I’d rather talk it out, calmly find a solution and move on…compromising when needed.  It all balances out in the end anyway.

Here’s to a new week… to a stronger, wiser me… to sweet dreams and even brighter futures.  Goodnight neverland.

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