The important dynamics of a varied friendship group

Ok – I’ll admit it… that title doesn’t sound like me. But it’s something I’ve spent the past few moments mulling around in my head and I just decided to go with it. In the past month that I’ve put together my new commercial studio space (which by the way – i’m 95% done with and it’s AMAZING!) I’ve met so very many of my sister’s friends, plus people in the building, and some of my friends have come to visit as well…. it’s been a month of PEOPLE. 🙂 And I say that with delight and joy – because after spending so very much time in my home with the quarantines, this new energy has truly been a delight for me and is helping when it comes to giving me inspiration with my comics.

Something I’ve learned this month tho, is that it’s so important to have a well-rounded group of friends. One of the things I cherish so much about my own friend group is how eclectic it is – we’re a bunch of misfits in our own ways- but if an outsider were to label each of us – they’d be surprised that we’re all friends. And everyone comes from a different background – some from all over the world – and everyone also seems to be at different stages of their own life journey.

There have been moments in my life when I wished I had someone who was on a similar journey as me. Thinking that perhaps then I’d feel understood. But what I realized this morning is that it’s because of the incredibly varied perspectives of those who I surround myself with that I feel free enough to break through the constraints that I had on me.

I had someone I was chatting with recently share their passion and drive for their career. At first – I glommed onto that and used that to carry the conversation a bit – and it was an enjoyable chat. But later, as I reflected on how nice it was to talk to someone who has a lot of drive in their career, I also reminded myself that that was once me – but i’m not in that place anymore. I no longer live to work. Not at all. I reminded myself how once upon a time, I would put a lot of weight on someone’s worth being tied to their job or their career accomplishments. And now? I just don’t care anymore. Are they happy? Are they content and healthy and balanced?

I’d have never changed my way of thinking if it weren’t for my diverse group of friends who were both kind and brave enough to share their own perspectives in order to widen mine. I’m so grateful to have them in my life – and am hopeful that I’ll continue to grow in these ways. 🙂

I do hope you are all doing well out there! Stop in and leave a note below and tell me what has been on your mind today? Happy Tuesday!

Today was better

Because of my blog post yesterday, I gained the courage I needed to speak up.  That’s truly the benefit of writing in this blog, it helps me work out what I’m thinking in my head and be able to come to others with a clear message.  🙂

Today, I’m feeling a bit better about things.  I woke up this morning and it was as if something clicked.  I don’t want to be mopey any more.  The christmas season is here!  It’s time to water the grass on my side of the fence and just enjoy life!  Sure work is stressful – but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let any of that take away from my favorite time of year.

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I want to bake cookies.  I want to go see xmas lights.  I want to sing carols and wrap presents.  I want to give gifts and be thoroughly spoiled in return.  I want to bundle up near a bon fire and drink hot cocoa with a little kahluha in it and watch the xmas ships drift by listening to some good jazz music.

I want to revel in what I love about this time of year.  The quiet moments, when snow is falling and the world goes still.  The crazy chaotic moments, when the kids all wake up on christmas morning and there’s music and laughter and exclamations of surprise over gifts they weren’t expecting.  It’s the time of year that I am more aware of how good I have it.  When I will randomly hand out a $10 or $20 bill to homeless folks I see on my commute every day.

It’s the one time of the year when I just want to give to everyone I see – and make sure that they have enough.  That they are warm, fed, and loved.

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Why?  Because …. it’s the most wonderful time of the year.  🙂  Damn it! 😀

Much love to all of you in neverland.

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Revelations over pie

pieI ate pie tonight.  Only had a small bite left before I realized I wanted a picture for this post, so you can have a picture of the best bite.  The bite I always save for last.  It was good.  It was while I was eating it that I came to an interesting revelation.  Life throws mean and nasty curve balls at us sometimes.  Things that are unfair, things that stretch us to the point where we think we’re sure to break.  We carry the weight of those choices around afterwards.  Sometimes, life gets you down.  The choice I am making is to be happy.  It’s ok to just be happy.  I’m not always going to make everyone else happy.  That’s life.  And there will certainly be times when I struggle or feel alone or down.  That’s ok too.  I think what I’m realizing is that it’s a choice you make, to allow yourself to be happy.  Stop beating ourselves up, stop comparing ourselves, stop overanalyzing every problem or negative quality and truly embrace a moment to be happy.

Tomorrow, I go back to work.  I’ve been nervous about getting my head in the game.  Tonight, I’m not nervous anymore.  Bring it on!  I’m going to embrace the happy.  Cuz it’s ok.  🙂

This revelation – brought to you by Marionberry Pie.  Nom Nom!

Goodnight Neverland!

It’s not procrastination, it’s the perspective.

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I am a Procrastinator.  It’s a word I’d use to describe myself often.  I am a slave to my calendar and schedule.  And I’ll admit that it has helped me move forward in leaps and bounds when it comes to some aspects of my life.  I was being hard on myself earlier…thinking about the weekend and how little I felt I’d accomplished off my “To-Do” list in my head.  But then I started to think about what I DID do this weekend.  Maybe I’ve been looking at it in the wrong perspective. 

1.  Finished most of the house and my personal laundry washed, folded and put away. 
2.  Prepped all of the mini-me’s school registration paperwork and things she’d need for sign up.
3. Went for a walk with my 3 year old son
4. Finished the last episodes from a great show series and then managed to even watch the movie that followed.
5. Went and had an amazing pancake breakfast this morning. My son enjoyed the blueberry pancakes and bacon and grapes from my plate.  🙂  Was nice that he behaved well in the restaurant today.
6. Enjoyed a snuggly sunday morning.
7. Enjoyed bath time with the son twice – although I swear he gets me wetter than him sometimes. 🙂
8. I baked cookies, and tried out a funky chipotle ancho chili chicken recipe
9. I mopped and swept the kitchen floor and downstairs hall areas
10. I sorted through a couple of bags and boxes in my office
11.  I read a couple of books to the little man, played tons of dinosaurs and cars and merrily chased each other through the house on multiple occasions throughout the weekend.
12.  I wrote in my blog and got a little more done on the piece of art I’m working on.
13. I booked the flights for my vacation in November.  Can I just say, sooo excited for this.  I can’t believe it.  I don’t know how I’ve pulled it off, but it really looks like I’m going to get a good vacation.  To turn a negative time of year into such an incredible positive.  To get to unwind and get away from all the pressures of work and kids for a week.  BLISS!!
14.  Got all my grocery shopping for the next couple of weeks completed.
15.  Helped the mini-me look at planning her cosplay outfit.
16. Had a long chat with the bro.

When I really start to list out all that I did do this weekend.  Yea, ok, so I didn’t get to run the vacuum a I’d planned.  And I didn’t get to the oil change I need to do.  I had high expectations of myself, but what I did have was just as valuable.  I had some wonderful experiences with my family and loved ones. Perhaps it’s time to admit that sometimes, we get so focused on the doing, that we forget to look at the living.  I have to remind myself that yes, I’ve got to work on all those things on my to-do list, but at the same time, I also need to work on me.  And the only way to work on me, is to find the time to do the things that make me and those I love happy.

I look at that list and suddenly don’t feel like a procrastinator anymore.

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So Damn Happy! :D

Yesterday was by far one of the busiest days I’ve ever had in my career.  And it’s not slowing down anytime soon.  The rest of this week, my calendar for work is booked, double booked and triple booked in some places.  It’s positively crazy.  Next week, it looks very similar.  For some reason, it doesn’t stress me out.  I have no idea how I’m going to get all my work done, but I know that it’ll get done.  And that’s what matters. 🙂

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I woke up this morning with a big goofy cheesy stupid grin on my face.  Despite having odd dreams and having my son come crawl into my bed at 4am.  I should be a zombie.  I should be grumpy and stressed.  But I’m not.  I got dressed, dropped off the daughter at school, sent out a couple quick emails, stopped for coffee, giggled over the morning radio show and made it to my office with 10 minutes to spare before my first task of the day. 

The ex stopped by last night to drop off a few things.  He’s been extremely mopey lately and I called him on it.  I asked if everything was ok and if there was anything I could do to somehow help.  Note to self.  That question can open up a whole can of worms that really, you don’t want to have opened.  Long story short, I’ve moved on with my life, and he hasn’t.  Funny, there was a time when that would have made me feel guilty.  But I refuse to feel bad or guilty or wrong for moving my life forward.  I refuse to feel bad for actively trying to find myself and a bit of happiness.  And that’s the thing… I’ve spent the last year, actively trying to find myself, and through that, happiness.  And you know what?  It’s worked.  I’m happy.  Yea, sometimes I might have a moment where I’ll be in a bit of a mood, or a bit lonely, but overall, I’m down and out seriously content happy.  I can ride the waves with the best of em now.  I guess in some ways, I always could.  But in the past, any life hiccups were stressful.  Now I just roll with it.  Why get your panties in a twist over something that likely was out of your control anyway? 

My birthday is coming up.  Soon.  April 5th. For the first time in my adult life, I’m planning to DO something for it.  And I’m so excited.  I can’t quite put it to words.  Birthdays in the past were just another day.  In fact, they were generally a day that was filled with mixed emotions.  I get the obligatory phone calls from family, sometimes my dad will call – and other years he’ll completely forget.  The ex would never plan anything, or if he did it was last minute and half-assed.  Gifts? ha! I’ve talked about gifts on this blog before.  If I wanted a gift for my birthday, it was up to me to go and pick it out and buy it.  And 10 years of doing that will teach a person to be ok with that.  This year would be no different, as I’m not anticipating any gifts this year.  But this year IS different.  I’m making plans.  Gathering up the gaggle of friends to go and do something memorable.  A scavenger hunt around the city followed by a burlesque show and dinner and drinks at a place with some awesome views of the city, I hope to capture as many happy moments with my camera as I possibly can.  I don’t have to feel like a nuisance or a bother this year.  I don’t have to stress about feeling let down by the lack of caring and lack of planning.  I don’t have to feel hurt that even on my birthday, I am and was never a priority in someone else’s life.  Hell – this year – I’m a priority in my own life.  That alone is a dramatic shift.  A healthy one. 🙂