Ok. I will admit it. Depression has hit me this week. Fairly hard. I’m feeling a bit withdrawn and a bit quiet. I found a new counselor. My first appointment will happen tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it, as I have a list of things I want to talk about.
Co-dependency. I want to talk about that. I think, looking back at my relationships, both with the ex and with my family – I have a history of being in these types of relationships. I want to understand how to break the cycle. First I have to understand it, then once I can identify it and understand it, then I can work to change it; to stop it.
I refuse to sit and do nothing on this. I refuse to allow the same patterns to re-occur in my life. History repeats itself – well NOT anymore! When I look up the “symptoms” of being a codependent person – I fit them to a T.
Low self esteem, people pleasing, Lack of boundaries, Care-taking, dysfunctional communication, Denial, problems with intimacy… yup! I won’t lie, coming to realize that today was quite a shock.
I cannot fix problems that are not mine to fix. I cannot change someone. I can only change myself, and the worry, and head space that I give to trying to fix things really is only making the problem worse.
I’m nervous. I’m finally getting really honest with myself. I’ve been happier in the last 2 years than I have been in 12 years…. BUT… That alone cannot be the indicator that I use on whether or not I’m healthy. I find myself slipping into the care-taking/people pleasing habits a bit more and more lately and it is, quite frankly, a slippery slope. If I’m not careful, I will only end up in the same perpetual loop I’ve been in for most of my life. I will not be that person again. I just can’t.
Hey there,
I too have found that in the past I have been in codependent relationships and it is something that my fiance and I have been looking at and working through. It is very hard work. I just wanted to send you a few encouraging words and let you know that your hard work will be rewarding to your future. Sometimes, it is easy to loose sight of that. Just being able to realize that it is a problem is a great step in the right direction. Keep at it!
-Anna
Thanks Anna. 🙂 Nice to know others are out there fighting the same good fight. 🙂 Hope you’re having a lovely week.
I know what you mean. I am super co-dependant as well, and I’m just now starting to see that… and starting to fix that. I spent the last 15 years giving all I had to my spouse, willingly, to the detriment of my personal development and growth. Now we’re divorcing and I feel like I have to learn how to be an autonomous human.
I’m in my 40s. If I’m starting over I want to do it right.
Thanks for writing this. It’s nice to know this is not my struggle alone. Your journey helps others.
Hey Mark,
Thanks for reading and commenting. Keep at it. Divorce is scary because you are essentially forced to re-define your life and take a look at who you are. 3 years later and I’m still re-learning and re-evaluating. Thankfully, it has also meant that my communication with my ex hubby has improved dramatically. Shame it took a divorce to learn those lessons. Hope your week is a good one!